How to Annoy Autobots and Decepticons
by Dalek Spark
Summary: Changed summary! Transformers Prime: Me, and my Misadventures on the Nemesis!
1. Chapter 1

I found Thrustwave on the Nemesis, laughing her aft off as Knockout tried in vain to unstick himself from the wall.

Apparently, Airachnid had paid a visit, and used her webs to tie him to the wall.  
I started laughing too.  
The Decepticon medic was mortified when I took out an emergency camera for cases like this.  
Knockout started to panic, and scream at us.

Oddly enough, he and Breakdown seemed to be the only Decepticons that didn't cuss, in English or Cybertronian.  
Even Ratchet cusses.  
But not Optimus Prime.  
What a bore.  
At least Ratchet shouts.  
Optimus NEVER shouts.  
Not even at Megsie.  
See what I mean?  
Boring Prime.  
Thrustwave was my best friend and Number Two on Ratchet's 'List.'  
Me? I was Number One.  
Sometimes I think that medic hates me.  
He probably does.  
Who blames him?  
I came to the Base last week, and immediately started ranting about how zombies were never going to take over the world.  
I told him that refrigerators are apparently sentient and will start devouring humans.  
A few medical scans later, Ratchet only had one sure diagnosis.  
I lacked a brain.  
Actually, I think he's known that for a long time now.  
Ever since I started dropping Mentos in Diet Pepsi.  
And throwing paint grenades at Knockout.  
Especially the time I tried to become penpals with Megatron.  
"Hi! Meggie! Do you want to be my friend?"  
The response?  
Soundwave tracked the email to the Base.  
Ratchet had a very hard time making it appear as if it had been sent in Portugal.  
Now I can't send an email unless Optimus or Ratchet gives me permission.  
Spoilsports.  
I feel sorry for those Portugal people.  
Ratchet does too.  
Sort of.  
He was reluctant about sending it there, insisting that he sent it to my house.  
However, Optimus told him no.  
Ratchet always obeys Optimus.  
But a few days ago, when I asked to send an email, Ratchet gave me a dark look.  
When I got home and decided to go to the Energy Drink store, I found it blown up.  
Compliments of Ratchet.  
I didn't compliment him.  
I went to the Base, ranted about it for a while, and passed out.  
I think I'm suffering withdrawals.  
I'm getting Ratchet two Scraplets for Christmas.  
So, anyway, while Knockout was stuck to the wall, and Megatron was gone, along with basically everyone else, including Breakdown, me and Thrustwave decided to have fun.  
It was just us, the Vehicons, and a furious red medic.  
I brought out a paint grenade.  
A neon green one.  
And I threw it at Knockout.  
He got mad.  
He didn't say anything.  
He just drilled us with evil doctor stares.  
And then proceeded to chew us out in English and Cybertronian.  
He went berserk.  
We decided to have more fun.  
After bombarding Doc Knock with every paint grenades we had, also meaning every color in neon, I took out my camera.  
And started taking tons of photos.  
Knockout was screeching bloody murder the entire time.  
He was mad.  
It sounded as if he were being dissected alive.  
Without anything to numb the pain.  
With a stimulant.  
And a very sharp knife.  
Or buzz-saw, for that matter.  
Doc Knock sure loves his paintjob.  
Too bad Wheeljack made the neon colored paint out of permanent liquid Energon.  
He's going to kill me now.  
But me and Thrustwave were too busy dying.  
Of laughter.  
This was precious.  
I started taking a video.  
That's when a few Vehicons came through to see was the commotion was.  
They presently broke down.  
They weren't laughing.  
Knockout's screaming was killing their audio receptors.  
I think several of them glitched.  
I think Knockout is about to glitch too.  
Time to leave.

Me and Thrustwave headed back to the Base.  
We immediately uploaded the camera's contents on the laptop.  
I turned on the video, and Knockout's screeching alerted Ratchet to our presence.  
He came to see who we were torturing.  
I showed him the video.  
Doc 'Bot started laughing.  
He couldn't believe we had done that!  
I didn't know Ratchet could laugh.  
He's usually the grumpiest Mech in the whole Universe.  
But he's laughing.  
At Knockout!  
I think I'm on his good side for a while…  
I hope.


	2. Chapter 2

**Knockout can change his mind about things.**

I was extremely tired, and feeling ill from lack of energy drinks.

Ratchet got concerned.

I think he almost felt sorry for me.

He told me to see a doctor.

I refused.

After he did several medical scans on me against my will, he said I was fine.

I just needed sleep.

I pretended to for a while.

Until Ratchet started experimenting with the ground-bridge.

I ran through the ground-bridge while his back was turned.

I ended up on the Nemesis.

Again.

I was on the roof.

And so were Megatron and Soundwave.

I had a reserve of Skittles in my pocket.

I didn't dare eat them in front of Ratchet.

So I ate them there.

And then snuck quietly inside.

I saw Knockout.

His paintjob was still pretty much ruined, but he was free from the wall.

Doc Knock didn't see me.

Whew.

But Breakdown did.

He was right behind me, and picked me up.

"Knockout!"

He called.

I struggled to get out of his servo.

"Let me go, you brainless lug!"

Knockout now had two reasons to kill me.

One, I painted his paintjob.

Two, I insulted his bro, Breakdown.

I'm such an idiot…

I was wondering why I was still alive.

I thought Knockout was going to kill me.

But I told him I could get him revenge for what MECH did to Breakdown.

Believe it or not, those guys are fun to prank.

Knockout and Breakdown were wary, but allowed me to tell them my plan.

It consisted of paint.

Naturally.

White paint.

With pink mixed in.

And a lot of confetti.

A few hours later, Silas and his men were covered in paint.

And their experimental devices.

Knockout sort of forgave me for the paint thing.

But he still won't let me out of the Med-Bay until he gets the paint off.

I'm going to be here forever…

Ha!

Knockout got the paint off!

Wheeljack, you LIAR!

Turns out it was just regular paint.

But I used so much on the medic that it took forever to get off.

I'm killing Wheeljack for this.

But thank goodness it wasn't permament…

I would have been stuck in there with Knockout forever.

I'm getting Ratchet to give Wheeljack a lecture on lying, and that he shouldn't fool humans.

But at least nobody on the Nemesis wants to kill me anymore.

Apart from Airachnid, maybe…

Let's just say I spray-painted her pink and called her a Barbie.

I ran to Breakdown, and hid behind him.

Airachnid still wants to kill me.

She's not going to stop until she does.

Thank goodness I have Doc Knock and Breakdown.

**Never make fun of Starscream**

While he was in recharge, I decided to have fun.

Doc Knock and Breakdown were somewhere smashing up Autobots.

So I got about fifteen shades of pink paint, some purple paint and some black paint.

I crept into Starscream's quarters, and painted him all pink.

Then I painted the Autobot symbol on his arm after covering the Decepticon one.

Then I painted a purple bikini on him.

And eyelashes.

Then I sneaked out, and waited for the fun to happen.

It didn't happen until Knockout and Breakdown got back.

Breakdown was pretty beat up by Bulkhead.

I'm giving Bulkhead a lecture on Breakdown's sensitivity.

Anyway, Knockout had turned the lights on brighter so he could see better while fixing his pal.

Then Starscream came in.

Knockout had finished reattaching Breakdown's arm, and they both started laughing as soon as Starscream entered.

So did I, after taking a few pictures.

Starscream looked very confused.

The Vehicons had been looking at him oddly.

Then he demanded,

"Knockout! What is it?! Why are you laughing at me?!"

Knockout chuckled, and before he could say anything, I piped up.

"Starscream, you're so sexy in pink!"

Starscream looked down at himself.

He let out an impossibly loud wail, and glitched, falling ungracefully to the floor.

I couldn't breathe, I was laughing so much.

Knockout then proceeded to list off the reasons why I really shouldn't have done that.

And then poked me with his Energon prod.

I swear, that thing HURTS!

A few hours later, I played 'Sexy and I know It' on the intercom.

After posting pictures of a pink Starscream in a bikini all over the Nemesis.

I played it on an endless loop.

And I slammed the keyboard to get a completely random password of letters and numbers.

So now I can't stop it.

I'm going to be killed by Starscream now.

Oh, scrap.

How could I forget about Doc Knock?

He's going to kill me too.

For not calling him sexy instead.

I don't think he thinks Starscream is sexy at all.

Just wait until Megatron finds that Autobot symbol…

…and that I painted 'KICK ME' on Starscream's back in neon orange…

This will be amusing.

Me and Soundwave are going to have the time of our lives recording this.

And the Vehicons, kicking Starscream.


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't think Airachnid, Starscream, or Dreadwing like Gangnam Style.**

I was dancing it after Soundwave managed to stop playing 'Sexy and I Know It'

Megatron finally glitched after the seventieth time it played.

Knockout took a while getting him revived.

So I put Gangnam Style on instead.

Knockout picked it up pretty quickly.

So did the Vehicons.

Breakdown didn't do it because Megatron would have murdered him.

Starscream still doesn't know about the 'KICK ME' written on his back.

So his rear end is sore from Knockout, Breakdown, and the Vehicons having fun.

He can't walk normally very well, much less dance.

Not that he wanted to.

He was standing on the roof, screaming to the sky about how he was supposed to be Lord of the Decepticons.

And he forgot to wash off the eyelashes.

Airachnid got woken up from recharge.

She was furious.

And Megatron drilled everyone with evil stares to make sure they didn't dance.

Knockout is lucky that he's the only medic.

The Decepticons would fall apart without him.

Dreadwing knew it was me that had put it on, and tried to step on me.

Everyone locks their doors when they recharge.

I think they're scared of me and my paint.

But I love it when Knockout does the Gangnam Style dance.

I hope Megatron doesn't know that I sent the video of Knockout doing it to the Autobots.

I've officially become a Decepticon.

**Soundwave is not Slenderman.**

I insisted to Knockout that he was.

He was tall, slim, faceless, and had tentacles.

Knockout told me that Slenderman was not real.

So I proved a point by playing Slender.

On a Decepticon-sized screen.

With Soundwave.

Let's just say I couldn't sleep, and the Vehicons couldn't either.

Nor the Insecticons.

Now nobody looks at Soundwave the same.

Not even Megatron.

Believe it or not, Airachnid had the worst time.

She was freaked out.

Me and Knockout were surprised at that.

Very surprised.

Then we sent the Slenderman Soundwave thing to the Autobots.

And I sneaked in there with a camera.

Ratchet was trying to calm down Bumblebee.

Bumblebee was letting out high-pitched wails.

Arcee looked rather disturbed.

Bulkhead was saying that he was never going on the Nemesis again.

Optimus was somewhere else, obviously trying to recharge bravely.

Ratchet had all of the lights on brightest setting and told Bulkhead to keep guard for Decepticons.

This was precious…

**Megatron found it.**

Megatron found the Autobot symbol I painted on Starscream.

He went berserk.

Starscream was shrieking and pleading for mercy.

He swore that he knew nothing about the symbol on his arm.

Soundwave recorded it all.

And so did I.

Megatron did a Cortical Mind Patch.

And found nothing about Starscream becoming an Autobot.

Scrap…

I thought this was going to get messy.

Me and Soundwave were very disappointed.

Then I started to come up with new ideas.

Megatron can't always solve the problem with a Patch.

**Lord Bucket-Head**

I asked Starscream if he thought Lord Bucket-Head was a good name for Megatron.

I then started recording after I said it.

"Lord Bucket-Head? That is exactly what Lord Megatron should be called!"

It only got Starscream's response.

I gave the recording to Soundwave.

He played it all over the Nemesis.

I went to the Med-Bay to find Knockout.

Starscream wasn't in very good shape.

When he saw me, he probably would have killed me if Breakdown hadn't held him down.

So I took the opportunity to have more fun.

"Why do you have heels, Starscream? Are you secretly a femme?"

It took both Breakdown and Dreadwing to hold him down while Knockout reattached his arms.

**The Autobots don't like it that I switched sides**

Guess who found me while I was at KO Burger…

Arcee.

I hate that blasted Autobot.

She noticed the Decepticon symbol on my bracelet.

And took me back to Base.

I refused to talk to anyone.

Ratchet interrogated me.

I don't like being interrogated by medics.

Optimus walked past at one point, and I told him,

"Sweet rims."

Ratchet had to order him to go away.

Prime looked really angry.

I grinned.

Knockout would be proud.


	4. Chapter 4

**Ratchet thinks I have mental problems**

After he attempted to interrogate me, Ratchet took a break from it for a while.

He was frustrated that I wouldn't betray my beloved Decepticons.

Even my beloved Knockout.

Don't tell him I said that.

So, while Ratchet was on his computer, guess where I was?

Lying strapped down to a berth.

It was the only way to restrain me.

Or to keep me from running away.

Or getting out the paint grenades.

So, bored out of my mind, I started singing a song by Fred.

"There's something strange about this babysitter."

Ratchet didn't take any notice.

"She called the bloodbank, and asked if they deliver!"

No reaction.

"She walks by the mirror, but I don't see her reflection! I've seen Twilight and—"

Then Ratchet came back over, and asked why I was singing in a high squeaky voice.

I stayed completely silent, and glared him in the optics.

The medic shook his head, and went back to his computer.

I started a different song.

"This restaurant has everything you could ever want, but nothing that quite fancies me."

I then proceeded to sing the 'Eat Randy' song by Julian Smith.

Ratchet came back over.

He asked,

"Where did you get these from? They are profoundly disturbing."

I didn't say anything.

I just grinned insanely at the medic.

He eventually went back to working.

So I started singing Gangnam Style.

And then Sexy and I Know It.

Then something else.

I started to play Nyan Cat through the comm-link around my neck.

Everyone, including me, had forgotten about the comm.

It was also voice-activated.

"Nyanyanynaynaynaynaynaynaynaynay!"

I heard Ratchet slam his servo down on his control board, and stomp out.

To find the Prime, presumably.

I found I couldn't turn off Nyan Cat.

I was shouting at it to shut up when Ratchet and Optimus came in.

Apparently, both Autobots nearly glitched at the sound.

Ratchet took the comm-link off my neck, and silenced the pop-tart cat.

My reaction?

"Knockout will kill me if you damage that, Ratchet!"

Ratchet sighed.

"That's the only thing she's said to me since Arcee brought her in."

Then I start cussing at the Prime in Cybertronian and English.

It's all Starscream's fault.

And maybe some other Decepticons.

And Ratchet…

Then I just started annoying them.

"When this song gets stuck inside your head, just sing this song, just sing this song instead."

Ratchet put his head in his servos, and Optimus put a servo on his shoulder sympathetically.

"Bu, bu, bu, bu, bu, bu—"

That's when Ratchet finally sedated me.

**Autobots get worried about crying humans**

I needed to get back to the Nemesis.

Knockout will murder me if I don't get back soon.

The Vehicons will miss my pranks.

Especially on Starscream and Airachnid.

But Ratchet and Optimus won't let me go.

They won't even let me off the table.

They won't even let me sit up!

Ratchet and Optimus have a good reason to believe that I'll run away as soon as I'm free.

I will.

Seriously.

Now, I'm probably just going to lie here.

If only I could throw a paint grenade at Ratchet…

I don't actually hate Ratchet that much.

But he's not very nice to me.

I wonder what he would do if I cried.

So, putting my plan in action, I started crying.

It wasn't that hard.

I was missing my Decepticons.

And my precious Vehicons.

They're a lot of fun.

Especially when they help in pranking.

I was in the first five seconds of crying when Ratchet came rushing over.

He looked worried.

And maybe a tiny little bit concerned.

He asked me if I were alright.

I just kept crying, avoiding his optics.

Ratchet soon called Optimus over.

Optimus tried to ask me what was wrong, but I refused to say anything.

I think crying unnerves them.

Optimus finally undid the straps, and picked me up in his servo.

I sat in his servo, my arms around my legs, and kept crying.

I had to think of sad things, like Breakdown getting his eye drilled out, because I was starting to find their expressions really funny.

I managed to keep crying until Optimus handed me over to Ratchet.

Then, I pretended to pass out.

These Autobots were terribly gullible.

Ratchet put me down on a berth, and started to look up causes that could make humans faint.

I then jumped off, hurting my ankle in the process, and ran out.

Ratchet cursed, and went after me.

I hid.

None of the Autobots could find me, and they finally decided that I had escaped.

Now I was in a tight position.

But then Bumblebee spotted me as I was creeping away…

So I ran, screaming.

I managed to get outside, but now I couldn't hide.

Stupid comm.

Bumblebee caught me, and brought me back inside.

I cursed at him.

I don't think he knew half the words I spewed at him.

Then I started crying again.

For real.

This time, Ratchet and Optimus didn't know if it was fake or real.

I told them my foot was hurting.

In reality, I was missing my Decepticons.

Even Dreadwing and Starscream.

Apparently, I sprained my ankle.

This is a disastrous life I lead…

…but I enjoy it.

After Ratchet put a bandage on my ankle, guess what I did.

I pelted him with paint grenades.

The medic stood there with a very confused expression.

Then he started shouting at me.

Optimus and Arcee came to see what was going on.

They also got painted.

In neon green.

**Autobots dislike me**

It turns out that when the humans, Jack, Miko, and Rafael came to the Base, they were surprised to find me back.

And confined to Ratchet's Med-Bay, under his constant surveillance.

Rafael came in to talk to me.

Optimus had decided the straps were not necessary.

Because I couldn't walk.

They thought I ran out of paint grenades.

Nope.

I was saving them for someone in particular.

Raf.

As soon as Ratchet lifted Raf up, and put him on the berth I was sitting on, the little boy started talking to me.

I was nearly thirteen.

I had better things to do.

So I moved away, and threw a paint grenade.

Raf didn't say anything.

Then he asked,

"Why are you with the Decepticons?"

I broke down again.

Ratchet couldn't calm me down.

He asked Raf why I was crying.

He said he mentioned Decepticons.

Making me cry even more.

Ratchet isn't sure about my mental health.

Who misses Decepticons?

Anyway, Ratchet went back to work, and Raf asked if I missed any Decepticon in particular.

I refused to answer.

Then I screamed at Ratchet,

"I miss my Decepticons, you slagger!"

And promptly passed out.

**Knockout is very annoyed with me**

When I came to, I found myself in Knockout's Med-Bay.

As soon as he saw me awake, he started shouting at me in Cybertronian.

So I didn't understand one word.

Then I heard Breakdown say,

"You don't want to know what he's saying."

That was the end of that.

**Knockout doesn't like people abducting me**

Starscream kidnapped me.

Then he dumped me in a field in the middle of nowhere.

I was furious.

So I took out my iPhone and was about to call Knockout.

It was broken.

I threw the charred remains into the grass, and started stamping on it.

"WHY! IS! MY! LIFE! SO! SUCKY!"

I kept screaming at the phone.

Then I heard a crack.

My comm was broken in half.

Now I couldn't call the Nemesis to get picked up anytime soon.

Scrap.

I sat down, and started waiting.

Not ten minutes later, a shadow fell over me.

I jumped up, and backed away, screaming,

"Stranger danger! Stranger danger! Somebody HELP ME!"

It was about eight feet tall, slim, wearing some black bodysuit with a freakish helmet, and holding something in its hand.

So it was an alien, cause it definitely didn't originate from Earth.

But not a Cybertronian.

I proceeded to run away as if Airachnid and the Insecticons were after me.

Pffffft.

So much for that pathetic attempt.

Why does getting kidnapped by aliens always include getting knocked out?

By something sharp?

And usually in your neck?

It gets a bit old.

I woke up on an examination table of some sort.

And started cussing at the ceiling.

Then I proceeded to scream out the Rules of My Little World, and that tying people to hard cold tables WAS NOT NICE.

The Rules went something like this:

"You people aren't supposed to scare me! You people aren't supposed to stab me with sharp objects that make me sleep! You people have no right at all to kidnap me! It's against my Rules to break my rules even though I never obey anyone's Rules and break their Rules! I hope you fall off a cliff, and drown in a duck pond full of goldfish! I hope Breakdown and Knockout kill you all with a hammer and a buzz-saw! Then I'm going to murder you all personally with my paint grenades!"

I kind of just made up the Rules on the spot.

"SOMEBODY UNTIE ME! Let me pelt you with deadly paint grenades of doom! Then I'm going to…going…to…going to…WHY CAN I NEVER THINK OF ANYTHING?!"

Then someone actually came into view, and started speaking to me.

So, these aliens are called Nevians.

And I presently started screaming at the guy again.

Except with a much more graphic vocabulary.

He obviously understood English very well.

He flinched at some of my word choices.

I eventually had to take break.

I needed to breathe.

But before the alien could say anymore, I started up again.

"I hope you get Cybonic Plague and die! I hope that Ratchet hits you with his wrench! I hope Knockout uses his buzz-saw on you! I hope that Breakdown smashes you with the hammer!"

It went on like that for a while.

Except, with Soundwave, I told the freaky dude that Soundwave was Slenderman and that he would strangle him with his tentacles.

Soundwave doesn't kill.

He just stares at you.

Like this guy was doing at the moment.

He was looking disturbed.

A lot of people look at me when I get going.

Especially on a bad day.

But I'd never expect to get a look like that from an alien like this.

I'd gotten plenty of looks from the Cybertronians, Autobots and Decepticons alike, but this was actually rather funny.

"And then I hope you slam a door on your wrist and break it."

I hissed venomously, like Airachnid.

Except Airachnid uses more detail and violence.

Not to mention, she forces it to happen.

My normal lifestyle would get most in a mental hospital for life.

Me?

I deal with it.

"I'm getting you something that bites for Christmas,"

I told the alien.

"I am getting Ratchet two Scraplets, but since Scraplets only eat metal, I'll have to get you something like a scorpion."

I grinned at the next thought.

"Or tie Airachnid up in a box, and send her to you."

He was starting to look a bit concerned.

"What is your name, human?"

I gave him a glare,

"I'm Spark."

"I am Ta'que."

"Your name starts with T. Your name is stupid."

I pouted.

I had expected something better.

Curse tall purple aliens.

Yes, that includes Airachnid.

Curse them.

Airachnid would be furious.

She'd eviscerate me.

Know what I mean?

No wonder me and Knockout are scared to death of her.

Breakdown has a crush on her.

Megatron isn't supposed to find out.

Nope.

He is not supposed to find out at all.

But everyone else knows.

Soundwave is going to spill soon.

Now if I could only get out of these stupid straps, I could pelt what's-his-face with paint grenades.

So I asked him politely,

"Will you please untie me?"

His response?

"I'm sorry, human; I have not been given jurisdiction to do that."

My response?

"Who has to give you jurisdiction?"

"Our Head Scientist."

Oh, so this guy is a scientist?

I could have fun with this.

But first, I had to sing something.

The first thing that came to mind was Knockout's favorite song.

Sexy and I Know It.

After I sang that, all I got was a strange look.

Then I start a conversation.

"Do you like the color red?"

"It's alright."

"Do you throw wrenches at people?"

"No."

"Do you have a buzz-saw to saw people apart with, and smear their innards all over a dissection table?"

"No…"

Ta'que looked even more disturbed.

I grinned at him, using my 'Knockout Expression'

I lifted one eyebrow, and put on a little smile.

Me and Breakdown dubbed it the 'Knockout Expression' for good reasons.

This guy was getting nervous.

He literally jumped when I suddenly screamed,

"KABOOM!"

At the top of my lungs.

Man.

He was more nervous than Starscream when he's said something about Megatron, and hoping it won't end up in Lord Bucket-Head's possession.

I took great pleasure in this.

So I said,

"Do you watch Doctor Who?"

"No."

"EXTERMINATE!"

Another little flinch.

"DELETE THE UNBELIEVER! DELETE! DELETE!"

The alien was getting a bit frightened.

He was obviously waiting for someone.

This didn't occur to me until a door opened.

Two more came in.

They bent over to look at me on Da Table Of Doom.

I started cussing at them.

I got the Cybertronian cussing from Ratchet.

I got the English from Agent Fowler.

And a lot of Internet searches.

If I could hold up in a shouting match against Starscream, I could screech at these guys all day and not get a sore throat.

In between, I randomly asked,

"What do you guys want for Christmas? Airachnid? I can arrange that."

And then I started screaming again.

It's mine, Starscream's, and Knockout's screaming that glitches the Vehicons most of the time.

It takes a lot to get them to glitch.

But I, Mr. Barbie, and the medic find it easy.

Knockout: Ruined Paintjob.

Starscream: Not Being Lord.

Me: Everything you can think of, and more.

I have anger issues.

Especially now.

"DIE, YOU FRAGGING SLAGGERS! DIE!"

And then the ceiling exploded.

It was Thrustwave.

She sent them into the wall, and quickly set me free.

Knockout and Breakdown were behind her.

Apparently, they didn't want to miss the opportunity of smashing up some organics.

Doc Knock had a gleeful look as he activated his buzz-saw.

Breakdown was smiling when he brought out his hammer.

Thrustwave was more than willing to bring out the chainsaws.

I was already laughing and throwing paint grenades everywhere.

One accidentally hit Knockout's pede.

I ran in the opposite direction as fast as I could.

I'm not having him trying to drill my eye out for revenge.

**Don't show Fred to Knockout**

I was bored.

There was this Youtube guy everyone thought was hot.

They thought his voice was hot.

So I looked him up.

After watching a few videos, I settled on 'My Babysitter is a Vampire'

I showed it to Knockout, and told him how Fred's voice was sexy.

Knockout got jealous.

Especially when Soundwave came over, and started playing Fred singing.

Knockout turned, and stomped in the other direction.

Jealous, jealous.

To get him in a better mood, I asked Soundwave to do something.

He complied.

Knockout went to talk to Megatron.

Soundwave came in, and as soon as Knockout started talking, he started playing 'Sexy and I Know It'

Megatron practically ran out before he glitched.

That song had played a few days nonstop on the Nemesis over the Intercom.

Megatron was still brutally scared.

So, wherever Knockout goes, Soundwave follows with an endless loop of 'Sexy and I Know It' playing.

Knockout loves it.

I, he, and Breakdown went, at one point, to fight with the Autobots.

Soundwave came along, and recorded the song nonstop.

The Autobots looked very confused and rather disturbed at the sight of Soundwave.

Maybe they still remember the Slenderman thing…

**Knives are banned.**

So I'm good at throwing stuff.

Especially knives.

Knockout found this out the hard way.

I woke up in a really bad mood.

Me and Thrustwave went out to buy some things.

It included a lot of pocket knives.

When we got back on the Nemesis, Thrustwave started threatening everyone with her chainsaws.

I went around throwing knives randomly.

One hit Knockout in the leg.

He immediately started yelling at me to 'mind the paintjob!'

Then he came after me with his buzz-saw.

I hid behind Soundwave for the rest of the day.

**Do not resist Knockout.**

Knockout decided it was time for me and Thrustwave to have a checkup.

Thrustwave said she had no idea he did that.

Knockout said he did.

Everyone on the Nemesis apparently had a monthly checkup.

So me and Thrustwave decided to run off.

That was hard.

She has a land-based vehicle mode.

Guess what happened after she transformed into her neon green and black Aston Martin DBS?

We made a drive for it.

Knockout and Breakdown eventually cornered us on the roof.

We wondered if we should just jump off.

But that wouldn't work.

Doc Knock had to tie Thrustwave down to give her a checkup.

He just gave up on me.

Little did I know he was planning something different.

A couple days later, he suggested we should take a drive.

I was willing.

I had to go to the store and buy more paint.

So off we went.

Then Knockout told me he was taking me to the doctor's office to get a physical.

I was going to jump out the window, but Knockout did his annoying trap-you-to-the-seat-with-the-seatbelts thing.

I tried to get out my paint grenades.

But I couldn't manage.

I still had the freedom of speech.

So I started screaming at the top of my voice at him.

Doc Knock just turned on the radio REAL loud.

I couldn't hear myself.

Neither could he.

I think I have damaged eardrums.

I do know I had a splitting headache.

So I just started kicking.

Then Knockout just restrained my legs too.

I'm going to kill him now.

**Stores are banned without Knockout's supervision.**

I was really mad at Knockout.

Turns out I had to have, like, seven injections.

So, I exacted my revenge.

Me and Thrustwave managed to get Starscream in on it too.

He took me to the store.

I bought my supplies, and returned to the Nemesis.

I waited until Knockout and Breakdown went into recharge.

And started painting him neon blue and orange.

Then I painted the tops of his digits bright yellow.

He obviously forgot my awesome tactics of revenge.

I painted 'KISS ME, I'M SEXY' on his chestplates in neon pink.

And then 'I LOVE AIRACHNID' on his back in purple.

I painted an orange mustache on his faceplate.

I took a few pictures, and then left.

Wait until he woke up.

Me, Starscream, and Thrustwave all knew it when Doc woke up.

We heard the scream from the other side of the Nemesis.

**Running away**

Seriously.

Why did Knockout take me to the hospital if all he was gonna do next was kill me?

I spent the last few days in Jasper.

Hiding with Thrustwave.

At least, until the Autobots found us.

We were at KO Burger.

Unfortunately, Jack Darby works there.

And Arcee always comes to pick him up from his shift.

It's hard for a neon green and black Decepticon to hide in the parking lot.

They know what she looks like.

And they also know what I look like.

I went through the drive-thru, hoping Jack wasn't on shift.

Turns out, he was.

And he recognized us instantly.

We got carted off by Optimus and Bulkhead to their Base.

At least Thrustwave tried to bring out her chainsaws.

She got knocked out by one of Ratchet's sedatives.

Same with me.

**Explaining**

We explained to the Autobots that we weren't causing trouble.

I told them about Knockout taking me to get a checkup.

Then I told about my revenge.

And why he wanted to kill me.

I swear they all were trying very hard not to laugh.

Especially the 'KISS ME, I'M SEXY' part.

And I told about the orange mustache last.

Then Bulkhead started laughing.

Pretty soon, all of them, even Ratchet, were laughing.

Me and Thrustwave sat through it with the most serious expressions.

Yes, it was funny.

But they didn't have an enraged medic with a buzz-saw hunting them.

Thrustwave surprised them by transforming, letting me in, and driving out faster than Knockout on the run from Megatron.

We were at top speed on the highway when Doc Knock and Breakdown came out of nowhere, and kicked us off the road.

I leapt out, and Thrustwave transformed, skidding to a stop.

Breakdown had grabbed her, and Knockout had snatched me up from the ground.

He was glaring venomously at me.

I thought he looked a bit like Airachnid for a moment.

**Knockout is angry**

Knockout can't decide if he will kill me or not.

I think mine and Thrustwave's pleading were slowly convincing him not to.

Mind you, he did inflict a lot of pain upon me.

You don't want to know how.

The memories are terrible.

I contacted Soundwave through my comm.

I told him to turn on 'Nyan Cat' through the Intercom.

He obliged.

It started playing.

Knockout immediately glitched.

He's had a bad history with Nyan Cat.

And glitches every time someone even mentions it.

Thrustwave and I quickly ran out of the Med-Bay, and headed for Starscream.

But he had also glitched.

This little plan was going to take a while.

**Breakdown is not Thor**

I declared a movie night.

I had brought along several movies.

It included Cars, the Avengers, Toy Story, and Thor.

We watched Thor first, then Avengers.

After that, it was Toy Story, and Cars.

Me and Thrustwave kept glancing at Breakdown.

Finally, I couldn't shut up.

"Breakdown is Thor! He has a hammer!"

Nevertheless, I was nearly killed by said hammer.

Knockout didn't even stop him.

He was still brewing over the paint.

It wasn't even permanent.

Believe it or not, Dreadwing was the one that saved me from Breakdown's Hammer Wrath.

**Do not paint Airachnid to look like a rainbow**

I was bored.

So I wanted more fun.

Instead of just pink, I decided every color I could find.

Knockout grinned at the suggestion.

He took me to the store.

I bought as much paint as I needed.

Breakdown had to come, too, because Knockout refused to carry paint.

And I refused to ride in anyone but Thrustwave and Knockout.

So, anyway, Knockout managed to get Airachnid into the Med-Bay.

He told her he had to tell her a secret, and leaned in to whisper it.

At the same time, sedating her with a needle.

After Airachnid collapsed on the Med-Bay floor, Knockout locked the door so any Insecticons wouldn't get in.

I started to paint Airachnid.

After I finished, I stood back to admire my masterpiece.

Knockout smiled.

He hated the spider-femme.

Everyone does.

I took more pictures.

Then I waited for her to wake up.

Guess where I ended up?

Webbed to the ceiling.

Doc Knock had his Energon prod, and managed to get her out.

Then Breakdown had to reinforce the door security while Knockout got me down.

The Insecticons were not happy that the Queen Bee got rainbowed.

I also think they don't like being called Bees.

I couldn't come out of the Med-Bay for a week.

**Hugging Megatron is not allowed**

I was sugar-high.

I went around hugging every Decepticon.

Knockout put up with it.

So did Breakdown.

Dreadwing attempted to step on me.

I barely escaped whole.

Starscream was gone.

Sadly.

Airachnid was on the ceiling, staying away from me.

Megatron was my prime target.

I ran up to him, and hugged his pede.

"I love you, Megatron!"

He threw me at the wall.

And tried to blow me up.

Doc Knock rescued me in the knick of time.

Then I went to hug Soundwave.

Then get this.

He hugged me back.

In holoform.

**Do not act like Soundwave**

I decided to act like a different Decepticon everyday for a few weeks.

I acted like Soundwave the next day.

I followed Megatron everywhere.

I was completely silent.

I wore all black.

And a hat so nobody could see my face.

It went perfect.

Knockout got very concerned.

He immediately picked me up, and asked what was wrong with me.

I stayed completely silent, staring at him with a blank expression.

Doc Knock took me to the Med-Bay, and started to do a bunch of scans.

I didn't protest.

I didn't even change my expression.

He obviously didn't know if this was a prank or for real.

Knockout even offered to take me to KO Burger.

I never turn offers like that down.

But I had to, in this case.

Knockout was very worried about me.

He threatened to take me to a hospital.

I stayed quiet, and kept staring at him blankly.

I think it was the huge sunglasses that unnerved him a bit, too.

And the gloves.

And the black Converse.

I usually wear really bright colors.

Neon bright.

But not today.

This was a Soundwave day.

**Don't act like Megatron if you value staying in one piece**

The next day was Megatron's day.

The look on Knockout's face when I finally said something.

He was relieved.

Today, I dressed up in gray, and even went so far as to put a bucket on my head.

Then I started stomping around, ordering Vehicons to do my will.

Then I went up to Starscream, and shouted in my Megatron voice:

"STARSCREAM! You traitor! Vehicons, ATTACK HIM!"

Nobody did though.

But Megatron sensed I was copying him.

He put an end to it very quickly.

**Never mock Doc Knock**

It was Knockout's turn.

I dressed up in flamboyant red, and went up to him, saying:

"Don't I look sexy?"

Knockout sort of grimaced.

"No…it was a poor attempt to copy me. I am much more sexier than that."

It was when he picked me up that I got going.

"HEY! Mind the clothes! Don't ruffle them up or get them dirty!"

I even said it in the tone he uses when people get near his paintjob.

Then I imitated bring out a buzz-saw.

Well, I did bring out a buzz-saw.

Knockout took it off me.

It took forever to find that buzz-saw.

But then I found a drill.

I went up to Breakdown, and threatened to drill his other optic out.

Knockout confiscated that, and restrained Breakdown from killing me,

That was the end of being Doc Knock.

**Starscream hates being copied**

I even put on high heels!

But I don't think Starscream appreciates me strutting about screaming:

"I WILL BE LORD OF THE DECEPTICONS! DIE, MEGATRON!"

I got confined to the Med-Bay with Knockout.

**Time to be Airachnid**

All I had to do was put on makeup.

Well, Knockout put on the makeup.

I just put on a deadly expression.

I started running around shouting:

"EVISCERATE! EVISCERATE!"

In my Airachnid voice.

Airachnid is usually obsessed with the word.

Now she refuses to say it.

But trying to order the Insecticons to do my bidding just got me webbed to the ceiling.

By Airachnid herself.

**Bug spray doesn't work**

After getting webbed to the ceiling for the hundredth time, I reserved the next day for something other than copying Breakdown.

I decided to use bug spray on Airachnid and the Insecticons.

I got thrown at the wall several times, and then Airachnid came in.

I sprayed her.

It didn't work.

It just irritated her.

Luckily, Doc Knock came, and rescued me before Airachnid could 'eviscerate' me.

Thank Primus for a medic with an Energon prod.

Airachnid hates that thing.

**Never go on drives with Breakdown**

This time, it was Knockout's fault.

I was furious at everyone on the Nemesis.

Even Knockout.

I stalked a few Vehicons with a chainsaw until Doc Knock confiscated it.

He told me that a little drive would refresh me.

So, he ordered Breakdown to go, because Megatron had work for the medic.

After Knockout opened our ground-bridge, and let us walk through, Breakdown transformed.

I glared at him until he got a bit impatient, and started telling me to get in, or he would make me.

So I did.

Very unwillingly.

Breakdown turned on some screamo, and I sat there with my hands over my ears.

Everything was calm, with Breakdown screaming along with whatever song he was playing.

Then he went over a cliff.

Breakdown was fine.

I, for another matter, was not.

I think I broke my leg, a few ribs, and my shoulder.

Not to mention I was bleeding really badly.

Breakdown quickly commed Knockout.

The red medic came pretty fast.

He didn't chew out Breakdown yet.

There would be time for that later.

First, he had to get me to the emergency room.

We got there in twenty minutes.

Knockout can drive really fast when he's concerned and worried.

He, and Breakdown activated their holoforms.

Breakdown, being the larger of the two, carried me inside.

He was about six foot something tall, muscly, and had jeans, and a simple blue shirt.

Knockout was in a suit.

Being the tidy clean mech he is, his hair was combed, and he was about five foot seven.

After I was laid on one of the hospital beds, with Knockout and Breakdown beside me, a very familiar person came over.

How could I forget June Darby was a nurse here, in the emergency room?

Doc Knock leaned close to Breakdown, and whispered "Awkward."

I hissed at them to shut up.

I wondered if she'd recognize us.

She's seen Knockout's holoform before.

And me, plenty of times.

Remember, I was once on the Autobots' team.

June started talking to Doc Knock.

I think he cringed slightly.

Breakdown and I stifled a laugh at his expression.

Knockout managed to explain the incident, but when he mentioned Breakdown's name, and mine, June froze.

That's when Breakdown asked her how the Autobots were doing.

Doc Knock put his head in his hands, and sighed.

**Doc Knock isn't in a good mood**

It all started with cookies, and books.

It turns out, Knockout has a large collection of books in his and Breakdown's berth room.

He allowed me to read a few.

It was when I started eating cookies while reading that he got mad.

For two reasons.

One, cookies were not healthy.

Two, they got all over the books.

So Doc Knock took the books away.

I stomped around in a temper, and saw Megatron.

I started to throw the remaining cookies at him.

Soundwave was recording this.

I think he enjoyed it also.

Megatron, on the other servo, didn't.


	5. Chapter 5

**Do not watch 'James and the Giant Peach'**

I decided that we should watch a movie.

Knockout was wary, as the last time nearly got me smashed.

But I reassured him there was nothing to do with hammers and Thor.

So he gave me permission.

I, Thrustwave, a few Vehicons, the Insecticons, Airachnid, Breakdown, Knockout, Soundwave, and Starscream watched 'James and the Giant Peach'

Megatron and Dreadwing wisely declined.

Me, and Thrustwave kept looking at Airachnid, and the Insecticons.

Knockout noticed.

He leaned down, and whispered to me,

"Airachnid reminds me of Miss Spider."

That was it!

So, after the movie, I told Knockout and Breakdown that we were going to call Airachnid 'Miss Spider' from now on.

Breakdown was reluctant, but Doc Knock reassured him that if Airachnid so much as laid an extra leg on him, she would be begging for mercy by the time he was done with her.

I grinned.

I even went so far as to call a few Insecticons 'Mrs. Ladybug' 'Mr. Grasshopper' and so on.

But Airachnid was pissed when I called her Miss Spider.

I ended up being showed her 'collection'.

And then was reassured that I would be next.

I started screaming, and Knockout came running.

He had the Energon prod.

To this day, I swear, I'm never calling Airachnid 'Miss Spider' again.

But, once in a while, I slip, and call Hardshell 'Mr. Grasshopper'.

I end up in the Medical Bay every time I speak to an Insecticon.

**'Doctor Who' is banned, the courtesy of Doc Knock**

I introduced everyone to my favorite show, Doctor Who.

I had bought all of the DVDs, and was currently on the third season with the Vehicons.

Soundwave, Breakdown, and Airachnid had joined us.

Airachnid also meaning those Insecticons.

So, we were on the episode 'The Lazarus Experiment' when Doc Knock joined us.

He was, for some reason, very interested in the concept.

The medic decided to sit down, and watch it with us for a while.

We finished that entire season, watching it nonstop.

Then we went onto the fourth season.

It wasn't until we reached the 'Waters of Mars' that a few Vehicons began to get nervous.

Starscream was already hiding behind Breakdown.

The thing was, Breakdown was also scared, and practically glitched at one part.

Soundwave had long left after 'Midnight'.

I was also a bit freaked out.

After that episode finished, we all went to our quarters to recharge, or, in my case, sleep.

Nobody could.

So, for health reasons, Doc Knock took away the DVDs.

That was the end of watching 'Doctor Who'.

**The 'Alien' movies are banned, also the Doctor's orders**

So, since I wasn't allowed to watch anything else, I decided we should watch 'Alien'.

I had never seen 'Alien' before, so I was eager to start.

So were the Vehicons, Breakdown, Starscream, and even Airachnid, with her Bees.

Knockout watched them too, mainly to keep an optic on us.

It was a mistake.

After a while, I glanced behind me to see Knockout in Breakdown's arms, trying to shield his face.

Breakdown, surprisingly, wasn't at all frightened.

Starscream, living up to his name, was screaming.

The Vehicons all let out a shriek once in a while.

Airachnid and the Insecticons?

The Queen Bee was looking very interested in the way the alien burst through the person's stomach.

She was grinning.

The Insecticons were, too.

I didn't know they could grin.

I didn't dwell over it.

I was too busy hiding behind Breakdown.

Nobody could recharge, or sleep that night either.

Not for many nights.

Doc Knock also took that movie away, along with the rest of the ones related to it.

I didn't protest.

**Horror movies are not allowed**

Since the rest of the things I had wanted to watch turned out banned, I went to the movie store and rented a bunch of horror movies.

Knockout, and Breakdown were not scared by these.

On the other servo, I, Starscream, Airachnid, the Vehicons, and the Insecticons were.

Doc Knock had a delight in returning them to the store.

**"PG or rated lower only."**

I wanted to watch more movies.

But Doc Knock said it was "PG or rated lower only."

So I got mad at him.

Knockout, living up to his name, knocked me out with a sedative.

He probably decided he didn't want me screaming at him nonstop for the rest of the day.

I did that with Starscream once.

I got a really sore throat.

But, anyway, it's PG or lower for me and everyone else now.

Doc Knock is sometimes a spoilsport.

**Never go to KO Burger**

I wasn't feeling all too good, so, to cheer me up a bit, Knockout decided to take me to KO Burger.

We couldn't decide whether to go inside or not.

We ended up going through the drive-thru, because I really didn't want to walk.

But, apparently, Jack has a longer shift on Fridays…

So he was there.

This was scrap.

He contacted the Autobots, and Knockout decided to get out of there fast as possible.

He had to obey the speed limit, so it slowed us down.

It was when we got on the highway that we got caught.

Before Knockout could contact Breakdown to open a ground-bridge, Optimus, Bulkhead, and Arcee had us.

Doc Knock doesn't take kindly to Optimus grabbing him, and lifting him off the ground.

Maybe it was because Optimus tore off one of his doors once.

And, of course, he was concerned about his paint.

"Hey! I just had that buffed!"

Bulkhead had me.

Optimus contacted Ratchet to open a ground-bridge, telling him that he had captives.

Knockout told him that Megatron would murder them if the medic went missing.

Optimus didn't look like he cared.

Ratchet was slightly shocked when we came through the ground-bridge.

If looks could kill, Optimus would be a pile of dust by the way Knockout was glaring.

I actually didn't care.

It was when Bulkhead called his paintjob obsession "girly" that Doc Knock started getting violent.

Optimus put him down gently.

It was a big mistake.

Knockout activated his buzz-saw, and ran at Bulkhead with fury.

Bumblebee jumped in front of him, and tripped him up.

In the process, he scratched his paintjob slightly.

Knockout spazzed out.

I had no idea that the Autbots had a place to keep prisoners.

I and Knockout, thankfully, were put in together.

I think they knew that I would start shouting if I were alone.

I told Knockout that Darby was going down the next time I saw him.

Doc Knock agreed, and took out his drill.

"Yes. He had better watch out next time."

**Talking to Ratchet**

After a few hours, I and Knockout got taken to the Med-Bay.

Optimus and Ratchet were there.

I think Knockout was too concerned with his paintjob to put up any struggle.

Ratchet sat us down on a berth, me sitting on Doc Knock's shoulder.

As Optimus came over, I and Knockout both said jauntily, at the exact same time:

"Sweet rims."

Optimus paused, and then dismissed it.

I don't think he wanted trouble.

Ratchet started asking what we were doing at KO Burger.

Knockout said we were getting food.

I added that I was still hungry, and that the Autobots were not nice to deprive me.

Knockout told them that even the Decepticons provided a human with food.

Particularly him.

Ratchet asked him where he got the money from.

Knockout was silent for a moment.

Then he said the answer slipped his mind.

I quickly reassured them that he didn't steal.

Maybe it was just a thing that came with holoforms.

Ratchet rolled his optics and said sarcastically,

"Sure."

Then Optimus started asking questions about Megatron.

I and Doc Knock shut up.

Then, without warning, the song 'I'm Sexy and I Know It' randomly started playing over my comm.

The medic forgot to confiscate it.

He did, immediately, and switched it off.

I think it was Soundwave's way of asking where Knockout was.

Unfortunately, I couldn't reply.

Knockout was holding his left arm close to his frame, and Ratchet just noticed it.

I had noticed it a while back.

The Autobot medic asked why he was.

Knockout replied,

"Your blasted scout tripped me, remember? _And he scratched my paint_!"

He held out his arm for Ratchet to see.

It was also leaking Energon.

I then told Ratchet that he complained like that all the time.

Five seconds later, I was staring at a buzz-saw.

Quick as he brought it out, Knockout put it back.

But that alarmed both the Prime and Ratchet.

I then went on for five minutes that Knockout did things like that all the time.

Then I proceeded to tell them about the disastrous movie nights.

At the end of it all, Optimus and Ratchet exchanged looks.

I don't think they knew Decepticons watched movies.

I bet they never thought about a Vehicon's personal life either.

Or any other Decepticon's either, for that matter.

And remember when I showed Ratchet the video of me painting Knockout with paint grenades?

I forgot to tell Knockout about that.

That blasted medic told.

Both Optimus and Ratchet had to restrain him as he brought out the drill _and_ the buzz-saw.

Ratchet tied him down to one of the berths, and I looked down at Knockout's face, grinning.

Knockout didn't look happy, and shot me murderous looks.

Primus.

Ratchet may not mean to hurt people, but he does.

I was so dead.

**"Well, this is awkward."**

After Knockout settled down, we both got taken out of the Med-Bay, and put under Bulkhead, and Ratchet's supervision.

It was a day that June Darby decided to come, along with the rest of the other humans.

Me and Knockout were playing hangman.

The red medic was in his holoform so he could hold the pencil without breaking it.

I was thinking of a word when Jack's mum came in.

As soon as she saw us, she stopped.

In the silence following, Knockout suddenly said,

"Well, this is awkward."

I asked him to get his mind back on the game.

He said when I chose a word.

I couldn't think of one.

So I jumped up, snapped the pencil, and threw the notepad on the floor.

Then I started to jump on it.

Knockout then said,

"That was a waste of a pencil, and a once good notepad."

I hit him.

He hit me back,

I hit him harder.

He hit me back harder.

I screamed, and fell over dramatically.

"That hurt! Are you trying to kill me?!"

Doc Knock noticed Nurse Darby's expression.

He shrugged, and said,

"This is what she's like all the time."

**Don't call Knockout 'Doc Knock'**

I and Knockout were lounging around, being bored.

Knockout was still in his holoform.

We were both sitting on the couch.

That's when I decided to start asking pointless questions.

"What are we doing, Doc Knock?"

"Sitting down in the Autobot headquarters."

"How long are we going to be here, Doc Knock?"

"I don't know."

"Will you prank Ratchet with me, Doc Knock?"

"I'm not getting stuck in a cell, thank you very much."

"I'm bored, Doc Knock."

Then there was only silence.

The other humans, Jack, Rafael, Miko, and June were standing elsewhere.

I could see Miko peeking around the corner, looking at us.

I think she wanted to talk to Knockout.

I told Doc Knock this.

He said he didn't want a fleshling to talk to him.

I got offended.

He tried to calm me down by saying sorry.

I then shouted over to Miko "Come and talk to Doc Knock!"

Knockout folded his arms, and stared at the silent television screen.

Miko quickly came over.

Knockout glared at her, and said venomously,

"I don't want to talk to you."

Then she started asking what Decepticons did when they weren't attacking Autobots, and similar questions.

I whispered to him,

"Answer her, and I'll buff you when we get back to the Nemesis."

Doc Knock started answering her questions.

It was when she asked if he minded being called 'Doc Knock' that he put on a serious tone.

"Only Spark may call me Doc Knock. Anybody else—NO."

So Miko said, as she walked away,

"Bye, Doc Knock!"

Knockout stood up pretty quickly, and I did too.

Though, I grabbed his arm, and tried to stop him from chasing her.

Bulkhead picked up Miko, and had disappeared off somewhere.

Knockout sat down again.

He shook me off his arm, and started a reign of silence.


	6. Chapter 6

**Knockout doesn't like getting medical examinations**

I think Ratchet was a bit surprised when he saw Knockout in holoform, and sitting next to me.

Even he, an Autobot, didn't interact with humans very much.

Much less activate his own holoform.

That probably got him to start wondering, who took care of Knockout on the Nemesis?

I could see from his thoughtful expression just what he was thinking.

I didn't warn Knockout.

I was still mad at him for taking away my stuff.

It startled me when Knockout suddenly got rid of his holoform.

It just disappeared, and scared me to death.

I stood up, and glared at him as he rubbed his scratched paint.

Doc Knock just glared back.

Neither of us were in a good mood.

Bulkhead was standing, with his arms folded, right next to the exit.

Knockout sighed, and started talking to me.

"You know, Megatron will kill me now."

He began,

"Breakdown is probably in my place, and though he's my, ah, assistant, he can't fix very well."

I agreed.

"Breakdown can be slightly clumsy around your tools, Doc Knock."

"I know. I feel concerned for my paint when we get back. You still have to buff me."

I grimaced when reminded of that.

I was about to say something, when Ratchet came over.

Knockout stepped away from him, and quickly picked me up.

I sat on the red medic's shoulder, already having an idea of what Ratchet was going to say next.

"Knockout,"

Ratchet began,

"When was the last time you had a medical examination?"

Knockout stood there for a while, thinking on what to say.

I finally got tired of waiting, and said quickly,

"A long time ago, Ratchet. A long time ago."

Knockout turned his head, and glared at me.

I fell silent.

Knockout had a Death Glare.

I'm not kidding.

Some Vehicons have glitched before.

Starscream nearly did once also.

I think the only reason he didn't is because he closed his optics tight.

It took a lot of convincing to get him to open them again.

Knockout had to be out of the room.

So you understand why I shut up.

Ratchet told him that he was going to give the red Mech a checkup.

I waited for his reaction.

Knockout freaked out.

Well, freaked out in a Knockout way.

He kind of stepped back, and started shaking.

Inwardly, he was probably screaming.

Ratchet motioned to Bulkhead, and together escorted him and me to the Med-Bay.

Oh, this was absolutely priceless.

Knockout forgot to confiscate my emergency camera.

Soundwave even charged it for occasions like this.

He enjoyed giving everyone a hard time too.

I was pleased with my footage, and swore that Soundwave was getting this video.

Bulkhead had to help Ratchet.

Knockout was _very_ unwilling.

He even refused to talk to Ratchet when he was asked a question.

So I had to answer it for him.

Knockout kept glaring at me, and I kept looking away.

Now he knows how I felt when I had to get a checkup.

Revenge is sweet.

When Ratchet finished, the first thing Knockout did was fall backwards on the berth, and glare fixedly at the ceiling.

It wouldn't surprise me if he could shoot lasers from his eyes.

I did start apologizing over and over to the red Decepticon medic afterwards though…

Doc Knock is still angry at Ratchet.

I, on the other servo, wondered why he became a doctor in the first place.

It was really illogical.

**Recharging **

I and Knockout had to sleep in the Med-Bay, or in his case, recharge.

You may presume that Knockout wasn't happy about this.

He couldn't stand Ratchet any longer.

I, on the other servo, actually thought it was the safest place in the Autobot base.

So I didn't mind.

It was comfortable, and warm in the Med-Bay.

Knockout kept shooting me angry glances.

So I returned them.

Ratchet, apparently, wasn't going to recharge tonight.

He said he had been recharging most of the day, and he needed to work.

That ruled out any escape attempt.

And Knockout clearly wasn't going to forgive him or me for a while.

Finally, his staring started to unnerve me, and I sat up, grabbing my supplied pillow, and throwing it.

Knockout tossed it back a lot harder, and practically knocked me off the berth.

I retaliated by standing up, and hurling it with all my strength.

It came flying back, twice as hard, and toppled me over.

I was mad now.

But Ratchet quickly came over, and started giving a lecture on how we needed sleep.

I and Knockout had no idea why the Autobots were even being nice to us at all.

I mean, Ratchet checking Knockout's health?

Seriously?

Autobots were too nice.

Let me tell you something.

If you ever get captured by Decepticons, expect to be thrown about harshly, and tied upside down in the Torture Chamber.

Then Airachnid or someone like Megatron will come along.

They will hurt you.

Decepticons have no consideration for others.

Well, maybe Knockout has consideration for me and Breakdown.

Soundwave has consideration for Laserbeak.

Dreadwing had consideration for his dead twin.

Airachnid has consideration for her Bees—er, Insecticons.

The Vehicons have consideration for me, and some of them have relationships with each other.

Hey, not all Vehicons are male.

Half of them are female.

And they have personal lives.

Okay, maybe Decepticons have consideration for each other…

…just not prisoners...

Ratchet finally finished his lecture, and moved me across the Med-Bay, nowhere near Knockout.

Near Ratchet instead.

I looked over his shoulder at his screen.

I didn't understand Cybertronian.

Knockout did, and he was slightly nearsighted.

So he couldn't see the screen properly.

This sucked.

**Knockout is not amused**

Nope.

He was not.

He really needed to take better care of himself.

Ratchet said he had to have several vaccinations.

Optimus was there too.

Knockout had his arms folded, and was staring obstinately at the floor.

I grinned.

He looked exactly like Thrustwave when she's grumpy.

It didn't help that I started playing 'Before He Cheats' by Carrie Underwood on my iPod.

Especially the part about where she digs her keys into the car's side, carves her name into the seat, takes a Louisville slugger to the lights, and slashes all four tires.

Then Knockout freaked.

Oh, yes.

He just freaked.

I don't think any of the Autobots expected it when he suddenly leapt up, pushing Ratchet out of the way, grabbed me, and charged out of the Base.

We made it to Jasper, and hid for the next few hours.

Then Knockout spotted Breakdown, apparently searching for him, and we got bridged back to the Nemesis.

**Do not place bubble-wrap in the Medical Bay**

I was bored.

I had found an extensive amount of bubble-wrap, and had no idea what to do with it.

Then I decided to prank Knockout.

I waited until he left the Medical Bay, and started placing it down in front of the door.

Then I also arranged, with a Vehicon called Sky, glitter above the door.

When Knockout walked in, he would get a surprise.

I was not prepared for what happened next.

Doc Knock and Bucket-Head came in, along with Dreadwing.

They got drenched in glitter, and tripped.

POP! POP! POP!

It was really amusing.

Knockout and Megatron were covered in glitter.

Dreadwing froze right before entering.

I was too busy laughing to see Knockout getting up.

He picked me up before I had a chance to run away, and shook some glitter into my hair.

I screamed at him, and tried to shake it out, succeeding it driving it in further.

Knockout had his revenge.

**Do not play 'I'm Sexy and I Know It' near Breakdown**

Knockout was playing it in the Medical Bay.

Me and Breakdown were getting really annoyed with it.

In an act of desperation, Breakdown charged the console, and started smashing it with the hammer.

Knockout wouldn't dream of hurting his bro.

So he settled on yelling at him.

**How you noticed how much taller everyone else is compared to Knockout?**

I was sitting on Knockout's shoulder while he walked with Megatron and Starscream.

I started noticing how they were so tall.

And how Knockout was so short.

I asked him about it later.

He just said he had a smaller frame.

I pursued the matter.

I wanted to know why the medic was the shortest on the ship.

Starscream said it was because he was 'lowly'

Airachnid said "He's a moth."

I have no idea why.

Knockout doesn't even look like a moth!

I decided I was getting nowhere.

I went back to Knockout and asked,

"Then why is your frame short?"

I got no answer.

I decided to call the Autobots, and ask them.

Megatron eventually found out.

Let's just say the telephone is banned.

**Do not replace Knockout's tools**

I had a bunch of random knick-knacks.

I had a little plan in mind also.

I waited until Knockout left the Nemesis with Breakdown.

Then I sneaked in the Medical Bay, and replaced all his surgical tools with rolls of duct tape and glue bottles.

When he got back to repair his slightly injured companion, Knockout had a surprise.

Then, he screamed out at the top of his voice.

"SPARK! GIVE ME BACK MY TOOLS!"

**No flyswatters around Airachnid**

I chased Airachnid around with a flyswatter.

She was not amused.

I dodged the webs for half an hour.

I also managed to hit her with the flyswatter several times.

I ended up on the ceiling.

Again.

**Do not paint Airachnid to look like Spiderman**

Breakdown made the mistake of taking me to a craft store.

I said I needed to use the restroom while we were out.

I came back with a bag full of paint.

I told him that I was painting Starscream.

Then a brilliant idea hit me.

When we got back on the Nemesis, I waited until Airachnid went to recharge.

I spent a few hours painting the Queen Bee to look like Spiderman.

I then proceeded to run away to Knockout.

I heard her shriek halfway across the Nemesis.

I held onto Knockout's pede, practically dying of fright.

How come Airachnid always knows it was me?

I am now under twenty-four hour surveillance.

**Do not paint the Queen Bee to look like a Bee.**

Since the Insecticons follow Airachnid around everywhere, I called them Bees.

I called Airachnid the Queen Bee.

I and Thrustwave knew what to do then.

We convinced Knockout too.

He then managed to get Airachnid to the Medical Bay.

He told her Megatron was also there, and had summoned her.

As soon as Airachnid stepped inside, Knockout jabbed her in the side with a needle.

Thus, successfully knocking her out.

He then called several Insecticons, one after another in.

He knocked out them too.

Insecticons can be really stupid sometimes.

I painted them all yellow and black.

I had a great delight in painting Airachnid.

Including her extra legs.

I will not describe what happened when they woke up.

Knockout has a ruined paintjob.

Thrustwave is in need of medical attention.

Me?

I hid underneath a medical berth, scared to death.

Knockout found me later, and made me sit and watch while he fixed his paintjob.

Thrustwave was in deep stasis, lying on one of the berths.

She was practically ripped apart.

Knockout said she could wait; he still had to finish his finish.

Knockout is sometimes not a very reliable medic or physician.

He's more concerned with the paint, not the patient.

But at least Thrustwave's spark was still intact.

It was her frame that needed repairing.

Knockout, after putting her back together, insisted on fixing her paintjob.

He said it was a mess.

So, after applying a fresh layer, and buffing her, Doc Knock was finally satisfied.

He is obsessed with everyone's paintjob.

I find it rubbing off on me.

I keep noticing Ratchet, and how he's got all these scratches…


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: This follows Transformers Prime storyline, but a few things are changed. Breakdown doesn't get killed by Airachnid, Airachnid doesn't get trapped in stasis, and just a couple minor changes like that. Well, Breakdown being still alive is actually a MAJOR change for me and Knockout...well, on with the story! **

**Do not freak out Doc Knock**

One day, I went up to Knockout, and started complimenting his fabulous paintjob.

I told him it was perfect.

And that red was sexy.

Then I started listing off all the ways to ruin it.

By the time I was done, Knockout's optics were wide.

I don't think he knew I was capable of such TORTURE…

He told Breakdown and Sky to keep an optic on me for the rest of the week…

**Do not watch 'Arachnophobia' with Airachnid**

I wanted to watch a movie.

'Arachnophobia' was one of the banned ones.

I had to hide it because it was PG-13.

I'm twelve.

So I called Airachnid in, with the Insecticons, and started watching it.

When it got to the part with all the baby spiders, I screamed.

"AIRACHNID! I DIDN'T KNOW MEGATRON WAS A DADDY!"

I was webbed to the ceiling after that.

Airachnid took the movie, and broke the DVD, tossing the remains up at me.

Then she started telling me that she would never have babies with Megatron.

I was relieved when Doc Knock came in.

Then, instead of getting me down from the ceiling, he started telling Airachnid that she wasn't allowed to watch moves at all.

He left me on the ceiling for five hours.

I couldn't stand up when Doc Knock finally got me down.

I think her webs are a bit poisonous…

…because I felt ill for a month after that…

**Do not tell Airachnid that she may get rabies**

I was getting tired of being webbed to the ceiling.

So, the next time she came near me, I bared my teeth, and growled,

"I can touch you, and you will get rabies."

She stayed away from me for a while.

Then, I had a stroke of luck one day, and brushed past her.

She scheduled an appointment with Knockout the next day…

**Do not paint Airachnid while she recharges**

I liked annoying Airachnid to no end.

So, when she slipped into recharge, I got a few buckets of neon orange and blue paint.

I then wrote 'BREAKDOWN'S PROPERTY' on her back.

I also painted 'ARCEE'S REMOTE CONTROL SPIDER' on her front.

I sneaked away to hide behind Knockout.

I think Airachnid recognized my handwriting.

She came after me for the thousandth time.

I ended up on the ceiling again.

**Do not record Airachnid in the wash-racks**

I asked Soundwave to video Airachnid in the wash-racks.

I didn't know she sang in the wash-racks.

Especially 'I'm Sexy and I Know It'

I had Soundwave play it all over the Nemesis on multiple screens, at the same time.

He even sent it to the Autobots.

Airachnid is out to kill me and Soundwave.

**"Hissing is for snakes, not spiders."**

I went up to Airachnid when she was in a good mood, and said,

"Hissing is for snakes, not for spiders."

I then told her to say it.

Soundwave was standing right there.

After multiple attempts to not hiss while talking, Airachnid gave up.

This was precious.

**Do not steal Doc Knock's Energon Prod**

I took it one day.

Then I followed Airachnid around, and zapped her, shouting,

"BUG ZAPPER!"

While laughing manically.

Knockout soon found me, and took it away.

Then he had to get me down from the ceiling.

**Do not tell Airachnid her 'mascara is running'**

I was bored.

So I told Airachnid her mascara was running.

I asked her if she was crying because Megatron refused to go out with her.

I was chased for the rest of the day.

I ended up wounded in the Medical Bay.

For the next two weeks, Knockout himself followed me around.

I tell you, it isn't easy pranking while a medic watches everything you do.

Pfffft, I'll just wait…all the good prankers have patience…

**Do not copy Soundwave**

After Knockout stopped following me, I went to Soundwave.

I stood beside him, silent, mimicking his movements.

When he turned, he played a recording of Knockout.

"…what are you doing…"

I said,

"…what are you doing…"

It went like that the rest of the day.

Doc Knock had to rescue me again from an enraged Soundwave.

**Do not call Breakdown a pirate**

I insisted that he looked like one with an optic-patch.

Knockout and Breakdown thought otherwise.

So I convinced the Vehicons to say "Arg." whenever Breakdown went past.

It ended when I shouted "Polly want a cracker?" when Soundwave went past Breakdown with Laserbeak.

Doc Knock didn't stop Breakdown from going to my quarters, and smashing my stuff.

That included my bed.

I now had to sleep on the floor.

Thanks, Cap'n…

**Don't ask Starscream where he bought his high-heels**

I had to.

I always wondered why Starscream had high heels.

He was either a femme, or he bought them.

So, I went up to him, and asked innocently:

"Screamer, where did you buy your fabulous heels?"

I nearly got stepped on by said heels.

**Dancing is not allowed**

I taught Knockout and Breakdown a few moves.

Then I moved onto Sky and Steve.

Pretty soon, all of the Vehicons, Knockout, Breakdown, Airachnid and the  
Insections were dancing.

I didn't know Airachnid danced.

She's actually pretty good.

Then Soundwave and Starscream joined.

Everything was going great until Megatron got involved.

He started shouting at everyone.

He threw Sky and Steve at the wall.

He kicked Breakdown.

Airachnid and the Insecticons wisely ran away.

So did the rest of the Vehicons.

Knockout and me stood there wondering what he was going to do to us.

This time, I got away with it.

For some reason, so did Soundwave.

Megatron just gave Soundwave a little slap on the wrist for dancing.

So he does favor Soundwave above everyone else.

The only reason Knockout got away with it was because he had to repair a few injured Decepticons.

Namely, Steve, Sky, and Breakdown.

Nobody knew where Starscream had disappeared to.

I think he's on bad terms with Lord Megatron at the moment…

That wouldn't be at all surprising.

**"BUFF ME!"**

I don't know what Breakdown was thinking last night when he promised to buff Knockout.

Well, after recharging in for a few hours, Knockout finally decided he needed to wake up.

I still laugh when I picture him standing there, tugging on Breakdown's arm.

"BUFF ME!"

**Knockout can cry**

Breakdown went missing for three weeks.

An entire three weeks.

Me, and Knockout were really worried.

Breakdown eventually returned.

He was pretty scratched up, and explained that Airachnid had turned on him.

That also explained why she was missing, and why Dreadwing was still picking webs off of himself.

Knockout then did the most unexpected thing.

He ran up to Breakdown, put his arms around the larger mech, and started crying.

He begged him never to leave again.

They stood there, in a true moment of bromance, hugging each other.

I watched for a moment, and immediately started crying.

I ran up also, and held onto Breakdown's pede.

Knockout stepped back, and wiped his tears away.

Then he demanded,

"Where were you?"

Breakdown said that he was stuck in one of Airachnid's tunnels.

He eventually got out, and made his way back.

Knockout then insisted on giving him a hundred medical scans to make sure he was alright.

He really was worried about his bro.

I will never say Knockout is sparkless again.

**Breakdown is not a nurse**

Simon was injured, and in the Medical Bay.

Knockout was busy talking to Megatron.

So, Cap'n Breakdown transformed into Nurse Breakdown.

I had to yell for Knockout through my comm before the Nurse tried to hammer-smash me.

Doc Knock gave me another lecture on how not to antagonize Breakdown.

Then I had to be within his sight for the rest of the day.


	8. Chapter 8

**Ratchet does not appreciate Knockout**

I and Breakdown wanted revenge on Airachnid.

She and the Insecticons had simply disappeared.

So, we both set out.

I had better mention that the Cap'n took Doc Knock's Energon Prod first, right?

Well, he did it.

We sneaked out while the Doctor was recharging, peacefully, probably never thinking that we would steal his precious Energon Prod.

Well, guess who we ran into on the highway?

Ratchet.

I never knew the Autobot medic took drives.

So, I leapt out, and Breakdown transformed.

Ratchet recognized us, and transformed also.

But he didn't have much in a way of weapons.

Breakdown used the Energon Prod on him, and he collapsed.

Then Cap'n contacted Knockout, probably waking him up, and asked for a ground-bridge back.

He instantly recoiled when he saw Breakdown carrying Ratchet in.

You may imagine he wasn't happy that Breakdown took his Energon Prod too.

But after a while, Doc Knock began to see a chance for revenge.

After he locked Ratchet in the brig, I, he, and Cap'n started planning on what to do.

Naturally, Megatron told Doc Knock to interrogate him first.

I think Ratchet freaked when he opened his optics to see Doc Knock grinning.

"Wakey, wakey! You're a sleepy Autobot, you know."

He instantly let out a yell, and tried to get up.

He couldn't.

Doc Knock had strapped him to one of the medical berths.

Breakdown, and me were watching at the time.

We both grinned at his expression.

Knockout proceeded to explain that his 'assistants' had run into him on the highway.

Ratchet was not amused.

He said that he never got to go on drives.

That was the first in a long time.

It ended badly.

Then Doc Knock started asking Doc 'Bot where the Autobot Base was located.

Ratchet retaliated by asking the Nemesis's flight route.

After that, let's just say that both medics got in a great big argument.

They had to be separated by Dreadwing.

Definition: Knockout had to be dragged out.

I climbed onto the medical berth, and looked down at Ratchet's face.

I asked him if he was comfortable.

He said yes.

I don't think he was ready to admit that he wasn't.

I then asked him if he had ever been captured before.

He said no.

So, I reassured him by saying brightly,

"Oh, don't worry. It won't be bad. You'll just get shoved about a bit, and probably hurt by Doc Knock."

Then Breakdown came over, and started talking to the Autobot too.

I think he enjoyed it.

Then I started listing off reasons why the Decepticons were better than Autobots.

Leaders: Megatron has a shiny paintjob, and watches Doctor Who.

Optimus Prime needs to buff his paint, and talk to people more.

Soldiers: We have a lot more, and their vehicle modes are really awesome.

Medics: Knockout is shiny, sly, and attractive, has a sense of humor, and is also social.

Ratchet stays stuck in his Med-Bay, is grumpy, never buffs, throws wrenches, never gets out, and never laughs.

Humans: I am epic. Enough said.

Ratchet, at the end of it, was furious.

Well, I think he was already furious.

Make that more furious now.

I asked him why he doesn't have an assistant, like Knockout had Breakdown.

Ratchet stayed silent.

I think he was angry and giving us the Silent Treatment.

That didn't stop me and Breakdown talking to him.

I think we drove him slightly insane.

Eventually, Megatron came in, and Ratchet got all shaky.

I had been recording since Ratchet had reawakened.

This was precious.

Ratchet had been glancing around.

I think he was wondering why Knockout was such a neat-freak.

Megatron leaned over, and stared Ratchet in the optics.

The Autobot medic started quivering.

Megatron then asked him where the Autobot Base was.

Ratchet said politely,

"I will not tell you."

Emphasis on polite. I don't think Ratchet wanted to anger Megatron.

It happened anyway.

Megatron slammed his servo down by Ratchet's head, and screamed,

"TELL ME NOW, INFERIOR AUTOBOT!"

Breakdown ran out of there with me pretty fast.

**It's time for a celebration**

Ratchet wasn't happy with his situation.

Especially since Doc Knock and me kept pestering him.

Eventually, an Autobot ground-bridge opened.

Optimus Prime, Bulkhead, and Bumblebee came through.

Arcee probably had ground-bridge duty.

Anyway, Breakdown took on Bulkhead.

Naturally, Megatron took on the Prime.

Bumblebee was instantly subdued by Doc Knock, and taken away.

The Autobots were probably really low on Energon, too, because they weren't fighting normally.

Even Optimus was rather sluggish in his movements.

Breakdown managed to knock Bulkhead out.

I think he stood there for five minutes just gloating.

It was a rather quick fight, and Optimus got defeated too.

Us Decepticons were at the top of the food chain now!

No, we were not going to suck out the Autobots' Energon.

It just meant…oh, never mind.

Anyway, now four cells in the brig were occupied by four grumpy Autobots.

I don't think their moods improved when Doc Knock and I came along to taunt them.

Naturally, Optimus was the first to suffer our jeers.

Knockout enjoyed it as much as I did.

For a medic, he can be pretty cruel.

Optimus dealt with it for a while.

It was when I started singing "Oh, da Autobots are defeated! We will wreck havoc on Earth and destroy all da puny humans!" that he finally broke.

The Prime stood up, and smashed through the cell wall.

Knockout ran away pretty fast, leaving me behind to face the Prime's fury.

"DOC KNOCK! YOU FIEND! COME BACK!"

Luckily, Dreadwing and Breakdown came to my rescue.

The Prime was very low on Energon, and went into stasis.

He then got taken to the Medical Bay.

Naturally, Knockout wasn't at all eager to give him Energon like Megatron ordered.

But he did anyway, after tying the Prime down securely.

We both wondered why Megatron didn't extinguish his spark.

He probably wanted to have a little fun with him before doing that.

Doc Knock, Cap'n, and I all agreed that he was probably going to torture him.

Megatron wasn't going to pass up the opportunity.

**Is Soundwave with the Autobots?**

Guess what happened last night while I was asleep?

The Autobots escaped.

Everyone, including me, was furious.

Doc Knock said that the cells to the brig were opened.

Nobody knew how.

They all knew it wasn't me, because I was asleep.

And there's a camera in each room.

And there's Soundwave.

Except, get this, Soundwave didn't have a recording of it.

He has recordings of everything.

EVEN situations that don't involve him!

It was a mystery.

**Do not sneak out to buy candy**

I wasn't supposed to go to the store.

Neither was Thrustwave.

We sneaked out without Doc Knock noticing.

We stocked up on candy, and tried to get back onto the Nemesis without telling anyone.

That's impossible.

As soon as Thrustwave called for a ground-bridge, Knockout demanded to know where we had been.

Thrustwave said we'd been driving.

Knockout opened the ground-bridge, all right, but then asked why Thrustwave wasn't transforming.

She made up a stupid excuse that she didn't want to.

So, immediately, Doc Knock threatened to scan her memory to see what we had been doing.

Thrustwave transformed, and candy scattered everywhere.

I facepalmed, scooped up a bunch, and ran off.

**Do not look for Airachnid**

It was Christmas Eve.

I wanted to send the Autobots Airachnid tied up in a box with some fake Scraplets.

But, since Airachnid has disappeared, we had to look for her.

I and Thrustwave.

Oh, we found her, all right.

Then we got webbed to the ground.

Airachnid stood above us, gloating.

She was quite happy until Thrustwave mentioned that Megatron was not on good terms with her.

The spider-femme got furious.

Apparently, she hated reminders.

So, after calling Doc Knock for the millionth time, and not getting a reply, Thrustwave and I settled on insulting Airachnid.

"Did you know that everyone hates spiders?"

The first one was enough to start her spitting at us.

But the next few ones made her madder.

"Arcee is prettier than you, and Thrustwave is prettier than Arcee."

"The only reason Breakdown likes you is because he has one optic, and can't see properly."

And so on.

It went like that for a while until Airachnid decided to poke me with an extra leg.

I screamed.

"GERMS! NASTY SPIDER GERMS!"

Then, out of the blue, came Doc Knock and Breakdown.

Knockout quickly used his Energon Prod on Airachnid.

Breakdown released Thrustwave and me.

Then, Breakdown started dragging Airachnid through the ground-bridge back to the Nemesis.

Megatron would be pleased.


	9. Chapter 9

**Do not play 'The Doom Song' over the Intercom**

My life was full of boredness.

So, as a little prank, I put 'The Doom Song' on so it was playing all over the Nemesis.

Megatron eventually got Soundwave to turn it off.

But whenever Megatron enters a room on the Nemesis, it plays.

"I'm gonna sing the Doom Song now! Doom, doom, doom, DOOM, doom!"

And so on.

**Do not play the Tick Tock Nursery Rhyme from Doctor Who**

I played it over the Intercom when the Doom Song was banned.

I freaked out a few Vehicons.

Now, every clock they see, they smash it.

Even my watch.

Thanks, Simmons…

**Do not play Narwhals over the Intercom**

I did just that.

Pretty soon, it got stuck in everyone's processor.

And I mean EVERYONE'S…

Soundwave couldn't stop playing it either.

Knockout kept singing it, and then slapped himself every time.

Breakdown kept singing it while helping Knockout fix injured Vehicons.

The Vehicons would often, after finished being repaired, hit him, and walk out.

I'm in trouble now.

**Markiplier is not allowed**

Me and the Vehicons watched a few videos.

They freaked.

Especially on the 'Tanatophobia' one.

I'm really glad Knockout doesn't have an axe.

But, even though Knockout isn't a human in a blood-stained lab coat with an axe, the Vehicons now try to avoid the red medic.

Knockout finally asked me why.

I showed him the video.

He screamed like a little girl, and held onto Breakdown for dear life.

Then, Markiplier's videos were banned.

**CaptainSparklez is also banned**

So, since I couldn't watch Markiplier play Slender, I watched CaptainSparklez doing it.

That also freaked out the Vehicons.

They all avoid Soundwave now.

Doc Knock, again, assumed correctly that I was the source of the problem.

So he confronted me.

I refused to tell him what it was.

It took an entire day tied down in the Medical Bay for me to crack.

I feel like a traitor now.

**Yamimash is also not allowed anymore**

I found another person that plays horror games.

I watched some videos with the Vehicons also.

I think our screams alerted Doc Knock, who quickly came, took a look at the screen, and started running away.

After that, he banned it.

Well, Breakdown took the laptop, and gave it to Knockout after turning off the Internet.

Then the Doctor wouldn't give it back for a while.

So I asked Soundwave to start playing videos all over the Nemesis.

Starscream glitched immediately.

Everyone else escaped to the roof.

Even Megatron.

After a few hours, Soundwave turned them off.

Knockout told me to stay in the Medical Bay for the rest of the week.

But, somehow knowing I was going to make trouble, he slipped a sleeping drug in my soda.

I won't trust anything Knockout gives to me for a while now…

**Time for Annoying Orange!**

I got in big trouble.

Again.

This time, it was Annoying Orange that got banned.

I swear it wasn't my fault Soundwave got obsessed with it.

Don't look at me like that, Doc Knock…

…it was all Mason's fault!

**I will not **

Everyone was in a bad mood.

It was time for their monthly checkups.

Even Lord Megatron tries to avoid them.

I still laugh when I remember Megatron trying to leave to blow up some Autobots instead of getting an examination.

Breakdown just puts up with it.

But, that day, everyone seemed to disappear.

The Nemesis was really quiet.

REALLYYYYY quiet.

Until, of course, Nyan Cat started blasting at top volume all over the warship.

I like to take advantage.

**Let's blow up stuff! **

Me, Simmons, Sky, and a few other Vehicons decided to have some fun.

We took Dreadwing's bombs.

And got out of there pretty fast.

We went to Turkey, and started making pretty explosions.

But, naturally, Dreadwing wanted to know where his bombs went.

And Knockout wanted to know where we went.

Piecing both bits of information together, they were able to compromise the situation.

Then, by tracking us, our exploding was put to a stop.

Knockout followed me the rest of the day…

**Barney is not allowed**

Since Doc Knock wouldn't let me watch anything above PG, I decided to torture him.

By turning on Barney all over the Nemesis.

Turns out, the only Decepticons that actually glitched were Lord Megatron, Dreadwing, Simmons, 737, and some other Vehicons.

I think Knockout turned down his audio receptors.

If he can even do that.

But I do know that Soundwave was standing in the Medical Bay playing Nyan Cat as loud as he could.

It probably drowned out Barney.

Knockout banned that next.

He was the medic.

He didn't need Lord Megatron's permission to ban something.

Unfortunately.


	10. Chapter 10

**Seatbelts are law**

Thrustwave had gone out on a secret little drive with me, and we were hurtling toward the Autobot Base.

Mind you, I refused to wear a seatbelt.

As soon as we came through the tunnel, I leapt out while Thrustwave was still going.

She transformed, did a front-flip, pushed off the wall, and landed on her pedes.

We had known that the Autobots were gone today, so we had specially planned the epic entrance.

Little did we know that June, Jack, and Rafael were there.

We got caught in the act.

I and Thrustwave started trying to figure out the ground-bridge thing before they called the Autobots.

We were giving entrance to the Decepticons.

Then the Prime, Bulkhead, and Ratchet came through the tunnel-entrance.

Thrustwave and I didn't have time to do anything but run into one of the corridors, and hide.

Naturally, they caught us immediately because of our life signatures.

Thrustwave put up a tremendous fight, and I settled with throwing paint grenades.

Thanks to Thrustwave, the Wrecker and the medic now have ruined paintjobs.

The paint grenades didn't do anything.

I found the paint usually only works on Doc Knock.

I ran off to hide some more.

It didn't work very well.

It was when I felt a sting in the back of my neck that I started freaking.

The Autobots heard my scream.

"Hornet!"

They found me running around in circles swatting at invisible insects.

Apparently, the hornet had gone to hide.

I still don't like sharp things.

Especially little pointy sharp things.

I don't mind knives, axes, and all the stuff serial killers use.

It's needles and things like that that terrify me.

It is the little things that hurt a lot.

But, this time, thanks to Thrustwave's magnificent speed, we got out before getting captured.

I was still whining about hornets, and such.

When we eventually got back to the Nemesis, Knockout insisted on making sure the sting wasn't infected.

I, as you may presume, tried to avoid it.

I ran around the Nemesis hiding from Doc Knock for the next hour and a half.

My life really needs to improve.

**Airachnid is not Spark's personal helicopter**

So, remember how Breakdown had captured Airachnid?

Well, apparently, she's back with the Decepticons now.

Most of us protested against it.

Megatron, however, was not wavering.

So, I asked Airachnid if she'd take me out on a ride.

I thought that the being-webbed-to-the-ceiling days were over.

Apparently not…

**Spark is not a matchmaker **

So, seeing Breakdown stills likes Airachnid, I decided to get them together.

No, it does not work.

I got them to join Facebook, and talk to each other.

They both end up verbally attacking me together.

When I try to do it face-to-face, I always wind up in the Medical Bay.

So, they were talking together one day, and I couldn't take it any longer.

"Just kiss already!"

I shrieked.

I ended up getting webbed to the ceiling (again) and threatened by Cap'n.

I had to scream for Doc Knock before Breakdown did something drastic.

I fail at life way too much…

**KO Burger is now officially off-limits**

As always, Thrustwave and I sneaked off again.

I told her I wanted something to eat first, so she headed to KO Burger.

Big mistake.

The Autobots and their humans were there.

Well, Arcee was missing.

But, being us, Thrustwave activated her holoform, and we went inside.

The Autobots' were in their holoforms, and sitting at a table together, eating.

Just for fun, I and Thrustwave ordered our food, and sat at the table directly beside them.

Then, in a loud voice, I started talking to Thrustwave about paint grenades.

They were startled.

I think one of them commed Optimus or something, because an ambulance and a truck came into the parking lot.

We ditched the food, and ran out for dear life.

Well, I ditched the food.

Thrustwave's holoform just disappeared.

I ran out the door, and wasn't at all surprised to find her already gone.

Well, she's a Decepticon.

What do you think she would do?

I was stuck with running down the sidewalk at top speed.

It didn't work.

Ratchet soon came beside me, with his sirens blaring.

Primus, they were loud.

He then did the normal open-the-door-and-grab-me-with-the-seatbelts routine.

Why Ratchet, out of all Autobots?

Why?!

But, just to be annoying, I was chatty the entire time to the Base.

Indeed, I was irritating.

It was in my blood.

**The Jumping Stunt**

The Autobots had learned from previous experiences.

This time, although they let me hang around, Optimus had Ratchet put a tracker around my neck.

As you may imagine, I was not amused.

And it also meant that Megatron would not be amused either.

When I got back to the Nemesis, they would be able to track the ship.

Well, as long as I was on it.

Buuuuuut, considering they only had me; I could always lead them on a wild goose chase.

Yep.

That, or shut down the tracker.

But the last option was near to impossible.

Better to stick to the first.

I always end up sticking to the first.

Even if it's the worst option.

Especially if it's the worst option.

In the middle of my plotting, Miko came over.

She asked in a peppy voice if I liked being captured.

I, in return, leapt up, and shoved her.

Miko let out a squeal, which immediately alerted Bulkhead.

He practically ran over, and picked her up, asking what happened.

Ratchet had also been alerted.

Miko explained that she had asked a question, and I had attacked her.

I put my hand on my hip in a Knockout stance, and said,

"I'm a Decepticon; I injure, and revel in it."

Bulkhead left on a drive with Miko after that.

Then guess who turned up?

Jack Darby and his mom.

I thought I could have fun with this.

"Hi! Hi! Hi! It's me! Hi! Hi! Hi!"

I waved enthusiastically at them.

Jack waved half-heartedly back as he got out of the car.

I don't think he likes it when his mom comes to the Base.

Or gets involved at all.

Since I was high up, and they were low down, I jumped off.

Yep.

I jumped off, did a flip off of that lower part, and landed on my back.

Just as June Darby was getting out of her car.

I jumped up, and instantly shrieked.

"Why are failures only funny when it happens to Starscream?!"

I was not happy with the result of my little stunt.

I think I did something to my back, because it was painful.

Well, not that painful.

June came over to me, and asked if I were alright.

My response?

"It's worse when I make Airachnid mad. THEN it gets messy…"

I actually get damaged more by being stuck to the ceiling.

Wow.

I need to improve my life a lot more…

…but why the heck would someone on Team Prime ask if I were alright?

They're all softies.

Yes indeed.

Minus Ratchet on that one.

**Explosions are not allowed in Ratchet's Med-Bay**

Paint grenades and I are not a good mix if you value staying your original color.

Well, Ratchet learned this the hard way.

He knew that paint grenades didn't cause any harm, so he let me keep them.

Big mistake.

As soon as I feigned sleep, Doc 'Bot laid down on a berth to recharge.

Pfffft.

Never leave me unsupervised.

NEVER.

I had one of Dreadwing's miniature bombs.

Well, it was initially smaller than his normal ones, but it was able to fold into a smaller size.

It fit in my pocket like a piece of folded paper.

Don't ask me how that works.

Ask Dreadwing.

But be warned; he hates talking to people sometimes.

So, with my precious paint grenades, and Dreadwing's little bomb, I crept over to Ratchet.

I timed the bomb to go off in five minutes, placed it in a circle of paint grenades, and ran out.

It was time to escape.

The lights were dimmed, and nobody was about.

Wow.

These Autobots don't even have GUARDS?!

Oh, yeah.

I forgot.

We have Eradicons, and Vehicons.

But, anyway, I ran through the tunnel.

Apparently, I timed my escape a bit wrong.

The bomb went off in five seconds, not five minutes.

I literally ran for my life.

Ratchet is grumpy enough.

An explosion in his Med-Bay is a ticket to getting hurt.

But I didn't have my comm.

Ratchet took it as soon as I arrived.

But, as always, the Autobot medic forgot my cell-phone.

I called Doc Knock and explained my situation and how I needed a ground-bridge.

It startled me when Ratchet stomped out, his paint a mixture of colors.

He immediately spied me, and I screamed into the phone that Ratchet was after me.

A ground-bridge opened, and Knockout came running around, twirling his Energon Prod.

He zapped Ratchet, and after the Autobot collapsed on the ground, we both turned, and ran through the ground-bridge.

Then I was there with my camera while Thrustwave got a thorough talking-to by Doc Knock.

As you may imagine, I completely forgot to tell Knockout about the tracker.

When I did tell him about it, he had great difficulty removing the stupid thing.

Whatever the Autobots used, it was reallyyyyyy strong.

But at least he got it off…

I'm going to enjoy seeing the Autobots in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

**Why is Megatron the last option?**

Nobody had told me that Starscream had…disbanded.

So I was indignant that I had nobody to prank.

Airachnid locks her door when she recharges.

Knockout and Breakdown don't recharge while I'm awake.

Dreadwing ALSO locks his door.

The Vehicons aren't that fun to prank.

Soundwave doesn't scream when I prank him.

Thrustwave doesn't care when I prank her.

Blehhhh.

Megatron was the only option left.

So I started plotting.

I asked Megatron his favorite animal.

He said a shark…and then drilled me with a creepy stare.

Happy, I went to prepare my paint.

When Megatron went to recharge, I snuck out of my quarters with a few buckets of paint.

Several hours later, I finished, and crept out of Megatron's berthroom.

Then, I knew he had woken up by the screech.

Doc Knock and I ran out to see what the commotion was.

Megatron was standing there, painted to look completely like a shark.

I even got some cardboard, painted it grey, cut it into a triangle, and taped it to his back.

I was dodging lasers for weeks after that…


	11. Chapter 11

Sorry for not updating in the past few days, I got banned from my laptop :C

Anyway, thanks to all the reviewers and the people that favorited/followed this story! It really inspires me to write! :D

Enjoy the chapter!

**Time to find Screamy!**

Knockout and Breakdown were assigned on a mission recently.

Megatron told them that they had to find Starscream.

Right now.

Knockout had started to protest, saying it would be nearly impossible, but Megatron waved him off, saying "He's somewhere on this planet. It's not as if he could go anywhere else."

That was the end of the argument.

Knockout was furious.

After Megatron left the Medical Bay, Knockout picked up one of his tools, and threw it at the wall.

It didn't break.

So, he picked it up again, and hurled it at the wall again.

Still didn't break.

After a few more tries, Knockout gave up, and just started kicking the wall in frustration.

He couldn't even dent it.

Breakdown finally offered to smash something for the medic, and Knockout declined.

He then said that they should probably be getting a move on, or Megatron would have his paint.

Unbeknownst to them, I was hiding in the Medical Bay all along.

I had wanted to see Screamy for a while.

I found that I was starting to miss him.

I don't think anyone else was missing him, though.

Especially Knockout.

He hates Screamy, especially after he scratched his paint.

So, as they entered the ground-bridge, I ran along quietly with them.

Sometimes, I have a hard time sneaking next to Knockout.

But this time, he was in such a bad mood he didn't even notice I hadn't been around all day.

We emerged in a cave.

I almost asked "Why would Screamy be here?" but remembered that I wasn't supposed to be on this mission at all.

Then came the funniest sight in history.

Screamy came running out of a tunnel entrance, two Insecticons after him.

He was screaming.

It was hilarious.

Knockout and Breakdown managed to kill the rogue Insecticons, and then turned to Screamy.

He was cowering in the corner, his wings twitching.

Then, accidentally blowing my cover, I said "What is up with you?"

Knockout turned around, and immediately started asking why the fraggin' Pit I was there.

I pointed out that Megatron probably wanted them to bridge Starscream back.

Knockout rolled his optics, and called for a ground-bridge.

He turned to Screamy, who looked like he was having a nervous breakdown.

He wasn't in the best shape either.

As soon as they both approached him, Screamy shielded his faceplates with his arms, pathetically trying to protect himself.

Knockout told him that they were being bridged back to the Nemesis.

Starscream freaked.

He jumped up, and ran into the wall, successfully knocking himself unconscious.

Knockout rolled his optics, and Breakdown dragged him into the ground-bridge.

Sometimes Screamy is an idiot.

**Do not give everyone a theme song**

I had a brilliant idea.

I was going to give all the Decepticons a theme song.

Naturally, Thrustwave was first.

Her song was 'Top of the World', the Pair of Kings theme song.

Knockout's song was 'I'm Sexy and I Know It' by LMFAO.

Breakdown's was 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' by the Beatles.

Starscream's theme song was 'Firework' by Katy Perry.

Dreadwing's was 'Everything Burns' by James Durbin.

Megatron's was 'The Doom Song' off of Invader Zim.

Soundwave's was Nyan Cat.

Airachnid's theme song was, for some of my weird reasons, Barney's theme.

The Vehicons all had one theme song.

It was Gangnam Style.

Let's just say some of them were happy about their song, but others were not…

Megatron was not amused.

Neither was Screamy.

Knockout and Breakdown agreed that their theme songs were perfect.

So did Dreadwing.

Soundwave, as usual, didn't say anything.

Thrustwave was happy with hers.

Airachnid was not.

Fortunately, the Vehicons were.

But, unfortunately, they only protect me from the Insecticons.

Not Megatron, Airachnid, or Starscream.

Traitors.

I spent the rest of my week running from an enraged Lord, a spider-femme, and a high-heeled mech.

I was stuck to the wall several times by Airachnid's web.

My favorite sweater caught on fire by Megatron's cannon.

Screamy took me for a joyride.

Then he dumped me on Mount Everest, and flew back to the Nemesis.

I immediately commed Knockout, and told him my situation was not good.

He locked onto my coordinates, and took me back to the Nemesis.

'Course, I was passed out by then.

Screamy got thoroughly disciplined by Knockout and Megatron.

Megatron basically ripped his frame apart.

I think he just wanted an excuse to do that.

And Knockout, for a day or two, refused to repair him.

Eventually, the medic couldn't stand his outraged screams and curses, and reattached his left leg, and both arms.

Thankfully, Megatron hadn't disposed of them.

That would have been disastrous…

**Autobot symbols are meant specifically for Autobots**

Practically bored out of my mind, I was walking around the Nemesis one day when I spotted Megatron.

You may imagine what crazy, half-minded plan went through my mind.

I grinned to myself, and ran off before he saw me.

Later, that night, I sneaked into his room to see Megatron recharging.

Reminder: Don't give me markers.

But, being a random girl, I had random things in my pockets.

It included two markers, a paintbrush, a pack of gum, seven rubber bands, a quarter, and a Nyan Cat sticker.

I climbed onto Megatron's berth, and started doodling all over his frame.

Unicorns, kittens, butterflies...

Then, for good measure, I drew the Autobot symbol on his chassis.

I left, and waited for chaos to happen.

It happened sooner than I thought.

In fact, I was running past Megatron's room with Airachnid after me when he stomped out, cursing, and swearing.

The first thing he saw was Airachnid.

He immediately picked her up, and threw her into the wall.

It left an Airachnid-shaped dent.

Let's just say the spider-femme ended up in the Medical Bay knocked into deep stasis.

At least she's out of the way for a while.

But Megatron's temper didn't exactly improve, especially when the Vehicons saw him.

They immediately spotted the Autobot symbol, and opened fire.

**I'm so dead now**

Duct tape.

It fixes all of my problems.

At the moment, my problem was Dreadwing.

He was hunting me.

I called him a fly, painted him to look like a fly, and let Airachnid do the rest.

He ended up webbed to the floor, right by her quarters.

But, since the Vehicons, Thrustwave, and I were too small, we couldn't tape him to the ceiling, like I had always wanted to do.

So, we improvised.

Nobody noticed Soundwave's strange disappearance for the next hour or two.

Until, of course, Megatron summoned him.

But, not talking didn't really help.

After a thorough search, Knockout and Megatron finally found Soundwave.

Soundwave was taped to the ceiling in one of the storage rooms.

I had used up about fourteen rolls of duct tape, and it still barely held him.

Megatron and Knockout got him down, and asked him what had happened.

Soundwave responded by playing a recording.

But, unfortunately, it was all muffled because of the duct tape still covering him.

I decided to get out of there before they managed to get all of the duct tape off.

Primus, I'm so dead now.

**Hiding from Soundwave**

To escape the wrath of Soundwave, I and Thrustwave came up with a plan.

We decided that we'd go to the Autobots, and feign capture.

It was the only thing we could come up with.

Anything else, Soundwave could still get us.

So, Thrustwave took me on a drive.

It was a really quiet day, so Thrustwave rolled down all her windows, put on some heavy metal, and went at a hundred and ten mph.

But I had completely forgotten about Ratchet, and his ability to sense troublemaking.

And, of course, I only just remembered the explosion in his Med-Bay.

But, Thrustwave decided to have some fun as the Autobot stomped out, spotting us immediately.

She started swerving on the road, acting as if she were out of control.

Then, she did get out of control.

Eventually, we both plunged off the road, and landed in the dust.

Thrustwave then revved her engine, decided she didn't want to be captured by Autobots, and we tore off, leaving a trail of dust behind us.

I'd rather face Soundwave's wrath than Ratchet's…

**Screamy, apparently, isn't a Dorito**

I don't even like Doritos.

But I decided to eat them anyway.

Screamy, unfortunately, was in the room at the time.

I started comparing him to the Dorito.

Big mistake…

I was chased around by a furious Starscream after calling him a Dorito.

Or, more correctly, after chanting:

"Screamy's Da Decepticon Dorito of Death, Destruction, Doom, and Darkness!"

Then, completely by chance, the lights went out.

I and Starscream started screaming.

Screamy: Because he thought I had spoken a prophecy.

Me: Because I have a phobia about the dark.

Anyway, it went out on the entire ship.

I huddled in the corner, whimpering to myself, and hoping the monsters didn't come out near Starscream.

I hoped the mechly Decepticon was warding them off with his femme shrieks.

At least Knockout managed to pinpoint where we were.

He spent the rest of the day trying to soothe me and calm me down.

It didn't work until the power came back on.

I suspect Soundwave was behind this all along…

**Decepticons are good at virtual killing**

I decided to play Halo Multiplayer with the Decepticons.

Namely, Knockout, Breakdown, Thrustwave, Soundwave, Sky, and Mason.

Knockout's armor was red.

Breakdown's armor was dark blue.

Thrustwave's was light green.

Soundwave's was gray.

Sky's was purple, and Mason's was black.

My armor was cyan.

I set to beating the slag outta them.

But, eventually, Knockout bested me.

He can really kick aft.

Each time I respawned, he'd be there to kill me again.

Time after time, after time, after time, after time…

I tired of it.

I was not about to be beat by a medic on a video game.

So, I started to fight back, harder and harder.

I smashed him up with a Banshee, a Scorpion, and a Warthog.

Then the Fuel-Rod Gun.

I was having the time of my life until Soundwave came behind me, and blew me up.

Sky and Mason were beating the slag out of each other.

Thrustwave was killing everyone she saw.

Breakdown was helping Knockout kill me.

Soundwave sneaked around, and got me whenever the opportunity presented itself.

I eventually hid in a corner, and threw grenades at anyone that came near.

But Knockout won the match anyway.

Let's just say I'm not having a medic beat me in any game.

But any other game I brought out, he always bested me.

I'm not having a good day…

**Diet Coke is prohibited**

Knockout had let me have one bottle of Diet Coke.

One bottle of diet soda.

I wasn't at all happy.

But then a plan presented itself to me.

After a few minutes of planning, I called Knockout, and said I had to show him something.

I had a few Mentos handy.

So, when the red medic came to see what I wanted, I opened the bottle, dropped in several Mentos, and ran like Pit.

**Do not paint Knockout's tools**

Being the mildly insane, paint-loving pranker I am, I decided to aim for Knockout this time.

Or, rather, aim for his surgical tools.

I actually kind of liked the glittery pink and yellow paint.

Well, after doing that, I went to hide underneath a medical berth with my camera at ready.

But, apparently, I really shouldn't have done that…

Megatron was carted in, in deep stasis.

Apparently, Dark Energon.

Again.

It was actually the only thing keeping him alive.

Knockout still had to seal up his wounds, so he got a shock when he started preparing his surgical tools.

The medic's reaction was priceless.

But now I'm not allowed in the Medical Bay without supervision…

…Knockout's supervision.

**RUN, GLITCH, RUN!**

My life has been Pit ever since Screamy and Spidey rejoined.

They love ruining my life.

And Knockout won't stop them.

The only thing he won't let them do is either kill me, or injure me seriously.

Apparently, dropping me off the Nemesis counts as trying to injure me seriously.

Doc Knock sent Soundwave to catch me.

Soundwave was very reluctant, but Knockout promised that he wouldn't let me anywhere near him.

So, I got picked up by Soundwave, and was deposited none too gently on top of the Nemesis.

I, unfortunately, dropped my camera, so I couldn't get Knockout chewing out Starscream.

He hasn't liked Screamy ever since he scratched his finish.

But, anyway, the next time Knockout and Breakdown went on a mission, Screamy and Spidey took advantage of this.

Starscream gave me a little slip of paper, and I read it.

'RUN, GLITCH, RUN!'

I glanced up to see his weapons powered up.

He was grinning.

So, taking his advice, I ran.

I ran into Airachnid.

And, oh, wasn't that smart?

Doc Knock and Cap'n Breakdown came back to find me being played with as a football.

I couldn't walk properly for a month.

**Knockout enjoys patronizing Breakdown**

It all started when Knockout was in the Medical Bay repairing a Vehicon.

He held out a servo, and told Breakdown:

"Nurse, please pass me the frame welder."

Of course, Breakdown hates being called a nurse.

He made this point clear.

"KNOCKOUT! HOW MANY TIMES?! I'M NOT A NURSE!"

It was ended by Breakdown stomping out in a temper.

Knockout simply chuckled, and went on with his work.

Then, later, Megatron summoned them both.

Knockout motioned to Breakdown as he walked out.

"Nurse Breakdown, Megatron needs us."

Breakdown, in a fit, shoved past him, scraping his finish in the process.

Knockout wouldn't dream of harming his bro, so he settled on screaming.

"BREAKDOWN! It took me forever to get that just right!"

The Nurse obviously didn't care.

So, Knockout, later that night, was doing something on his computer when Breakdown walked in.

Doc Knock immediately greeted him.

"Hello there, Nurse. I need your help in doing something tomorr—"

Breakdown turned around, and stormed out.

**Absolutely NO sad movies**

I rented out 'Marley and Me' from the video store.

Doc Knock, Breakdown, Soundwave, and several Vehicons sat down and watched it with me.

The beginning and the middle were fine.

It was the end.

I was crying my eyes out.

Knockout may seem sparkless, but he isn't.

He was bawling his optics out as well.

Breakdown and the Vehicons didn't understand.

But I may have seen a tear slip from beneath Soundwave's screen…

Knockout, after the movie, tried to retain his dignity.

But Breakdown wouldn't stop taunting him.

So, Knockout said I wasn't allowed to rent out sad movies anymore.

Breakdown woke up from recharge with makeup on.

**Knockout can be really awkward**

It was that time of the month, and I was really grumpy.

Not to mention I had terrible cramps.

Nearly everyone on the Nemesis kept asking what was wrong with me.

I refused to answer, casting every questioner a Death Glare.

But, being a medic, Knockout knew.

He studies human anatomy, so he knew my girl problem.

And, unfortunately, he was near when Breakdown asked me what was wrong.

Doc Knock started giving him a detailed explanation on the differences of a human girl's body to a human boy's body.

Primus, I nearly died of embarrassment.

Where did he learn these facts?

**Bubble-wrap and Knockout REALLY don't mix**

For payback, I asked Thrustwave and Soundwave's help on this one.

Soundwave may seem to be near Lord Megatron all the time, but actually spends most of his time in his berthroom.

So, he agreed to help me.

Well, didn't actually AGREE, he just kinda nodded…

The problem was sneaking in the bubble-wrap without Doc Knock noticing.

For someone that seems completely preoccupied with his paintjob, Knockout knows more about what happens on the ship than Lord Bucket-Head himself.

But Soundwave somehow got his tentacles on Knockout's sedatives.

I say somehow, because Doc Knock was in the Medical Bay the entire time Soundwave was rummaging around for them.

Or maybe it was because Knockout was too busy screeching at Starscream for 'accidentally' pushing him into the wall, scratching his finish in the process.

But, anyway, Screamy got a damaged chassis, and a ruined paintjob.

Never anger the medic.

NEVER.

Of course, I never obey that rule.

So, later on, with Screamy out for revenge, we got his help, and managed to get a large quantity of bubble-wrap.

Knockout was in stasis on the floor in the Medical Bay.

Thrustwave and Soundwave literally wrapped him up in bubble-wrap.

You may imagine his reaction when he came out of the induced stasis.

But I'll just leave that to your imagination.

Too busy running!

**Hurricane**

So…

Us Decepticons got a new recruit.

Or, you could say, pet.

Human pet.

It was Knockout's fault.

His paint got scratched during street racing again.

He wasn't happy at all.

He transformed, and threw the guy's car as far as he could.

But…

…someone else saw.

I didn't even know fourteen year-old were allowed to street race.

Oh, my bad.

Street racing isn't actually allowed.

So, this teenager saw Knockout, and practically dropped his jaw in shock.

Knockout spotted him, and immediately grabbed him, comming the Nemesis for a ground-bridge.

Megatron wasn't happy about the new human male.

In fact, he looked ready to simply terminate him on the spot.

But, Knockout having a soft spot for humans since he met me, told him that he would guard the human.

I don't think Megatron was in the mood to argue.

He looked tired.

So, he just agreed, like that.

But his one condition was this:

"If the fleshling comes near me, I'm going to offline it."

Knockout nodded, and immediately headed for the Medical Bay.

I and Breakdown were rather surprised.

But, me being me, I started shooting questions at the boy.

"What's your name? Where do you live? Why didn't Megatron kill you? How old are you? What were you doing when Knockout caught you?"

And so on.

I got a few replies.

His name is Hurricane, but I can call him Hurri.

He's fourteen.

He lives in an apartment with his dad.

Or did, until he moved out.

Then I had to explain to him all the complications of living with Decepticons.

Knockout chimed in.

"I'm the medic, my name is Knockout, and if you TOUCH my paintjob, you're going to end up on my operating table."

Then I nervously said,

"That NEARLY happened to me once…"

We told him what to do, what not to do, and to stay away from Lord Megatron.

And SPECIFICALLY not to mention Skyquake to Dreadwing.

I don't think Hurri got half of it, since Knockout kept intervening on my conversation.

Eventually, he looked so confused Knockout just told him this.

"Okay, before you do anything questionable, come and ask me. Don't ask Spark, she'll give you the wrong answer."

I crossed my arms, and turned away, huffing.

"And don't anger her. She pranks people whenever she feels like it, and it's totally random."

I stamped, turned around, and threw a knife.

Then, I ran like Pit, Knockout's femme scream following after me.

"I just had that buffed!"

**No, Screamy, throwing humans off of the Nemesis is not acceptable**

Knockout made this clear when Starscream tried to terminate me again.

He made it very clear.

Doc Knock got permission from Megatron to lock Screamy in his quarters.

Screamy hates being locked in anywhere.

I think Knockout's near his breaking point.

I'm just waiting to see when he's going to implant a tracking device beneath my skin.


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry for the complete lameness on this chapter, I'm not feeling very compelled to write :/

**Be careful when giving Knockout hugs**

Breakdown had a little too much high-grade this time.

He practically waltzed into the Medical Bay, singing the Itsy-Bitsy Spider song.

The first person he saw was Knockout.

So he danced over, and picked him up in a great big hug.

"I MISSED YA, DOC!"

Knockout managed to tell him in between getting his chassis crushed.

"Mind…the…paint…Breakdown…or…I'm…making…you…repair …Starscream…the…next…time…Megatron…disassembles…hi m…"

Anyway, Breakdown didn't exactly take any notice.

After he put Knockout down on the floor, the medic winced and stepped backward, issuing him some instructions.

"Okay, Breakdown, I think you need to recharge for a while. Doctor's orders."

Then Breakdown flashed him a happy smile, and practically ran out.

Well, he tried to run out.

His aim was a little off, and he slammed into the wall instead, successfully knocking himself out.

Knockout sighed in relief, and started dragging him to one of the medical berths.

"I really need to lock up that high-grade…"

**Don't tell Knockout to play scary games**

I deviously thought out my next prank.

I bought a few scary games online, and went to Knockout.

I handed him Tantaphobia, told him to play it, and left.

After he installed it, I heard quite a few screams from the Medical Bay.

Knockout sounds like a femme when screaming.

Anyway, Breakdown practically broke the door down, rushing into the Medical Bay to find Knockout dismembering his computer with his buzz-saw.

**The high-grade**

Well, guess who got their servos on the high-grade this time?

Thrustwave, Soundwave, several Insecticons, a few Vehicons, and Breakdown again.

Overcharged Insecticons are dangerous.

Thrustwave was walking about, occasionally walking into the wall, talking about Starscream's heels.

Soundwave was lying on the floor in the Medical Bay, jumbled and slurred recordings playing while Knockout leaned over him, trying to figure out how the slag they unlocked the high-grade.

Breakdown, as usual, was singing a song, and dancing, once in a while hugging a random and very unfortunate 'Con.

The Vehicons were playing Ring-Around-A-Rosy.

I don't know where they learned that.

It wasn't me.

Hurri just tried to avoid everyone by hiding, with me, in a supply closet, wondering when the high-grade was going to be permanently banned.

Just wait until Knockout got his servos on who unlocked the supply closet the high-grade was being stored in.

**Knockout's mistake**

Yep.

He did.

And naturally blamed it on me.

It started when Doc Knock was teaching Breakdown more about his surgical tools.

Breakdown was handling one of the scalpels, and accidentally snapped it in half.

Knockout threw up his servos.

"Breakdown! I needed that!"

Breakdown immediately started to snicker.

Knockout hit his own helm.

"Oh, Primus…"

He then looked over to me.

"Spark, you've been around that slagging Autobot so much that he's rubbing off on me!"

I crossed my arms.

"It's not my fault. It's Ratchet's fault."

I turned, and stomped out of the Medical Bay.

It didn't help that Knockout threw a wrench after me, and then cursed himself.

Oh, I had to tell the Autobots about this…

**Do not compliment the Prime's frame**

I simply couldn't help it.

Thrustwave took me out for a drive because Knockout told her to.

But, when we arrived in Jasper, we stopped at a traffic light with Optimus.

Thrustwave rolled down the window, and I leaned out with a grin.

"Optimus, I just wanted to say, your frame is FABULOUS!"

Thrustwave peeled out of there pretty quickly.

I think Optimus lost his temper, because he set to chasing after us.

You have no idea what it's like to face the fury of a Prime.

It's NOT pleasant.

After we got out pretty far in the desert, Optimus transformed and started firing at us.

Thrustwave commed for a ground-bridge, saying that we were practically being fried.

Knockout took the hint, and opened one quickly.

Thrustwave shot through there in several nanokliks.

Literally.

She was scared half to death.

In fact, as soon as she transformed, she fell into stasis right into Knockout's arms.

He carried her to a medical berth, and then asked what the Pit happened.

I shrugged, said the Prime overreacted a bit, and then said I wasn't going to go anywhere near an Autobot for a long time.

Knockout asked why the Prime overreacted.

I told him.

He literally fell over laughing.

I gave him several nasty looks, and told him to get chased around by a furious Prime.

He declined, saying that it would probably ruin his paintjob.

And started laughing again.

**Knockout is not Ketchup**

I was staring at a picture of a ketchup bottle one day.

Knockout came over and asked what I was doing.

Usually, when I'm quiet, I'm up to something.

Nope, not this time.

I said that I was looking at a picture of ketchup.

Doc Knock asked why.

I said I was bored.

Then I randomly told him that his new name was Ketchup.

Well, apparently he got worried, and picked me up, carrying me to the Medical Bay.

I think he was worried that I wasn't tipping paint over anyone.

Or that I was protesting at all.

And staying quiet and calm, staring ahead blankly.

A million medical scans later, Knockout still had no answer.

He tried to get an answer out of me, but I blatantly refused to talk.

Soundwave is my new role-model…

**Do not stay awake all night**

I just didn't want to sleep.

It didn't help that I had secretly been watching Markiplier play FREAKY games on my laptop.

Anyway, I tried to stay awake the next day, but found it increasingly hard.

Knockout eventually picked me up in his servo, and told me that I needed to sleep.

I pulled a paint grenade out of my pocket, lobbed it at his face, said

"Get fragged."

And then fell asleep in his servo.

**Do not look up Internet Creepypastas**

Slenderman wasn't so bad.

It was mostly the Rake.

I clicked on a picture, and freaked out.

I couldn't sleep for nights.

But I love getting scared silly.

In broad daylight.

At night, not so fun.

I kept waking Knockout up, complaining that I couldn't sleep.

Eventually he got so irritated that he locked me outside of the berthroom.

Unfortunately, Megatron and Screamy were walking around.

Great, now I have to deal with these two.

Scrap my life.

It's fragging slag sometimes.

**Airachnid is out for revenge**

I painted her bright yellow again.

Bright yellow.

It automatically means that she's the Queen Bee again.

Airachnid hates being called the Queen Bee.

She chased me around all day.

I still have no idea how she got Knockout's Energon Prod.

But apparently that wasn't enough.

The Queen Bee sent out several of her Bees.

I woke up to four Insecticons on the ceiling above me, blasters activated and pointed at me.

I screamed, started throwing my pillows at them, and ran out shouting:

"Doc Knock! Airachnid's being mean again!"

**An odd situation**

I was sneaking around with some cookies one night when Doc Knock caught me.

He had a really guilty look on his face, and asked me what I was doing.

I sneakily replied that I wouldn't tell anyone he was up if I could keep the cookies.

The medic seemed really distracted, and said yes.

I scampered off before he could change his mind.

But then I heard a shriek come from the Medical Bay a few hours later.

I ran down there to see what he was doing.

Knockout was on the floor, rubbing his helm as if he'd had too much high-grade.

I asked him what was wrong.

He did a double-take when he saw me, and then looked at his servos.

Doc Knock let out a femme scream, and pulled a mirror out of subspace.

Then he let out another scream.

I went over, and asked,

"What the frag is up with you, Doc Knock?!"

Then he pulled a wrench out of a subspace compartment, and threw it at me.

I immediately sprinted out to find Breakdown, and tell him that Knockout was acting exactly like Ratchet.

Then it hit me.

What if it wasn't Knockout at all?

What if it was Ratchet?

That would explain Knockout's guilty look.

He was doing some forbidden experiment, and probably switched bodies somehow…

Oh, scrap.

This was slag.

What the frag was I going to do without our Decepticon medic to ward off evil spider-femmes?

Scrap, scrap, scrap, scrap, and FRAGGING SCRAP!

**WHAT THE FRAG HAPPENED TO OUR MEDIC?**

I marched back to the Medical Bay with Breakdown.

Knockout/Ratchet was still sitting on the floor, staring at himself in the mirror.

He looked up as Breakdown entered with me on his shoulder.

And presently started to shake.

Yep.

It was definitely Ratchet.

I think the only reason Breakdown didn't immediately smash him is because Knockout would be furious if his frame got harmed in any way.

So, instead, we started asking questions like this.

WHAT THE FRAG HAPPENED TO OUR MEDIC?

**DIZ IZ A ZECRET**

Breakdown and I decided that nobody should know that Ratchet was in Knockout's frame.

Well…

…almost nobody.

Screamy came in while Breakdown was talking to Ratchet.

He caught on pretty fast.

After laughing his aft off, Screamy said the only reason he wasn't telling Lord Megatron was because he didn't want Breakdown killing him.

I think Ratchet was shocked at our violence.

Yes.

He looked shocked.

Then Airachnid came in, searching for Screamy.

Both of us gave startled shrieks at the same time, and ran in the opposite directions.

I ran to hide beneath a medical berth.

Screamy ran into the wall.

Then several Insecticons followed the Queen Bee in as well.

We were cornered.

But then they saw Ratchet.

I think he was slightly mad.

Because he looked mad.

And in Knockout's frame, it looked like Knockout was mad.

And when Knockout was mad, it was best to run away.

So that's precisely what they did.

Airachnid gave us a few withering glares before running out as well.

Then Ratchet proceeded to ask us what the slag just happened.

I answered him the best I could.

"Oh, Airachnid was about to tear us apart. She tries to do that all the time. No big deal."

"No big deal? NO BIG DEAL?! I think it's a big deal for a creepy femme to tear you apart!"

Ratchet shrieked.

I waved the overreactive Autobot off, and produced a cookie from behind my back, eating it jauntily.

How could I forget that Ratchet won't allow junk food anywhere near him?

In a flash, he was up, and grabbed it out of my hand.

I opened my mouth to protest.

"Hey! I made a deal with Doc Knock earlier, and he said I could have that cookie!"

Ratchet shook his head.

"Not near me, you won't."

I crossed my arms, and stomped out in a temper, much like Breakdown when Knockout calls him a nurse.

The Nemesis was not going to be fun with Ratchy around.


	13. Chapter 13

Slight Doctor Who crossover with this one. For that people that don't watch Doctor Who, it may be a tad confusing. ANYWAY, please enjoy the chapter! Sorry for any lameness!

**Ways to have fun with Ratchet**

I think Soundwave suspects something.

Especially after Knock—er, Ratchet made a slipup and called Lord Megatron plain old Megatron.

Naturally, said Lord got a bit angry.

He threw Ratchet at the wall, and roared,

"YOU WILL REFER TO ME AS **LORD MEGATRON**, KNOCKOUT! NOW GET BACK TO YOUR POST!"

With that, Lord Bucket-Head stomped out furiously.

When Ratchet got up, he found me laughing manically at his situation.

I didn't even know Knockout had wrenches in his subspace compartments.

So Ratchet started throwing them at me furiously.

I ran out, still giggling uncontrollably.

Then a BRILLIANT idea hit me.

I don't think Ratchet knew about the high-grade.

Soooo…

I told Soundwave that I was going to give some high-grade to Breakdown.

But I needed him to unlock the door.

Soundwave put an evil smiling emoticon on his visor, and I followed him to the storage.

Then I called Breakdown through the comm.

He came quickly enough, and I gave him the high-grade.

Later on, when I was in the Medical Bay with Ratchet, Breakdown stumbled in.

He saw Ratchet, and like he always does when he's overcharged, picked the hapless Autobot up, and gave him a hug.

"HOW YA DOIN', DOC?"

Ratchet struggled a little bit before Breakdown put him down, and danced out.

I practically died when I saw his expression.

It was HILARIOUS.

I think it was worth having Knockout away for a while just to see that expression.

But I had to run out pretty quickly before Ratchet stepped on me.

He looked like he was going to.

**Ratchet and Knockout talk**

Somehow, Ratchet contacted Knockout without alerting the Autobots.

Together, they compromised how to get out of their situation.

But that first call was kinda cut short because Knockout said that Ratchet's frame was dirty, scratched, scuffed, and OLD.

Ratchet just hung up.

But the second one went a little better.

Let's just say they managed to talk a little longer until Knockout asked how well his frame was being taken care of.

Ratchet explained the newly-acquired scratches and dents.

This time it was Knockout hanging up.

But finally, they managed to find a way to reverse the effects.

They SOMEHOW managed to switch back.

But when Knockout looked down at his frame, he screamed, and glitched.

**Never do that again**

I was walking around the Nemesis with Hurri when he asked a question.

He asked who Skyquake was.

I told him I didn't really know, but he was Dreadwing's departed twin.

Unfortunately, Dreadwing was standing right behind us.

I explained to our newly acquired team member that we had better run.

That's just what we did.

We ran for the rest of the day, and finally wound up in the Medical Bay, hiding underneath a medical berth.

Knockout knelt down, and asked us what we were doing.

I told him that Dreadwing was out for our blood.

Then Dreadwing stomped in, demanding to know where the 'puny human glitches' were.

Knockout shooed him out, saying that he was busy.

Dreadwing knew that he was hiding us, but he allowed himself to be kicked out of the Medical Bay.

Now I follow Knockout everywhere so I have protection.

**Who do you have a crush on?**

I rolled up my sleeves the moment I got dressed today.

I was ready for my little plan.

I got out a notebook, and a pencil.

Knockout saw me, and asked suspiciously what I was doing.

I asked him who he had a crush on.

I didn't even know his faceplates could turn a slight shade of red.

Anyway, he looked around to make sure nobody was around, and knelt down, whispering to me.

"Don't tell anyone this, but I like Thrustwave."

He straightened up, a blush still on his faceplates, and walked off.

I grinned, and wrote it down.

Then I went off to find someone else.

The next someone else was Dreadwing.

I asked him who he fancied.

He said his love life was over, and left.

I wrote that down also.

I bumped into Airachnid next.

I smiled, and asked her why she had a crush on Knockout.

She turned to glare at me, and hissed venomously.

"Who told you I like him?!"

I almost laughed, and said,

"It's a small world, Spidey."

I ran off before she could add my head to the collection.

I ran into Starscream next.

Figuring out my last random name came to use, I asked him why he liked 'her'.

His optics widened, and he shouted, for everyone to hear,

"I d-don't like Arcee! FOR THE LAST TIME!"

But by the blush spreading across his face, I knew he was lying.

Practically laughing my aft off, I stumbled off to find someone else.

Megatron was next.

I asked him the question.

In return, he pointed his cannon at my face, and growled,

"Leave me alone, glitch."

I rolled my eyes, and ran away, clutching my notepad and pencil.

I ran into Thrustwave next.

I asked her who she had a crush on, hiding the notepad behind my back.

She knelt down, and whispered very quiet, blushing,

"I like Knockout."

Oh!

This was unexpected!

Anyway, the rest of the day, I went around asking who everyone had a crush on.

After that, I went to Soundwave.

I hadn't bothered to ask him, partly because he probably wouldn't answer, and partly because I needed his help on this one.

He helped me all right.

In a few minutes, I was speaking into the Intercom.

"ALL RIGHT, everyone! This is Spark speaking! I have an announcement to make! A list on who everyone likes! First up is Knockout! He has had a crush on Thrustwave for quite some time now! Next is Dreadwing, whose love life is officially over, according to his answer. Airachnid likes Knockout, not surprisingly! And Starscream, the high-heeled mech we all hate, has a liking for Arcee, the Autobot femme! Next is Megatron, whom we all know probably never had a wife, a girlfriend, or anything like it. Thrustwave, our brilliant spy, fancies Knockout! Congratulations, Knockout! You both like each other, now you can overcome your shy streak, and just ASK THE FEMME OUT! Next up is Breakdown, who's had a liking for Airachnid ever since they met! And then there's Hardshell! Unfortunately, he has a hating for femmes, human or Cybertronian, and refused to answer my question, stating that I was a glitch. Well, guess what, Hardshell? You're a FRAGGER! SO DEAL WITH IT!"

I finished right then, and went to hide from everyone.

I agreed with myself that being with the Autobots was ultimately safer.

If you avoided getting anyone mad.

But at least I got Knockout and Thrustwave together.

They're going out now.

Just wait till the Autobots hear this.

**It was worth it**

Even though Knockout started dating Thrustwave, he still was mad at me for announcing his crush all over the Nemesis.

He got his revenge, all right.

I got stuck with Starscream.

In the brig.

In the same cell.

For a week.

Trust me, being with that femme-ish forever complaining Seeker for a few minutes is practically unbearable.

Much less a week.

On the eighth day, I sat in the corner with my hands covering my ears while Starscream talked nonstop.

Literally nonstop.

But then a plan began to work itself into my mind.

I screamed at the top of my lungs to Screamy.

"HEY! GLITCHY MECH! OVER HERE! LET ME TALK TO YOU!"

Starscream just ignored me, and continued talking to himself about how he was supposed to be Lord.

Okay.

Scrap that one.

I had to annoy him more.

"SCREAMY! MEGATRON LOVES KNOCKOUT MORE THAN YOU BECAUSE YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB!"

That did it.

Starscream turned, and glared at me with his optics.

He then stomped over, and picked me up in one of his servos.

"Oh, really?"

I started squirming, and screaming.

"HELP! SCREAMY'S GONNA KILL ME! DREADWING! KNOCKOUT! BREAKDOWN! SOMEONE SENSIBLE!"

Fortunately, my scream was so piercing that it can travel all over the Nemesis.

Knockout and Breakdown came at once.

Knockout unlocked the door, and put his servos on his hips, glaring at Starscream.

"Screamy…what are you doing with my human, might I ask?"

Starscream's frame stiffened.

"She wouldn't shut up."

"Neither would you! In fact, the only time you didn't talk was when you were recharging!" I pointed out.

Knockout shook his head, and took me out of Starscream's servo.

"I'd prefer if you kept her intact, thank you very much."

Then he walked out with me, Breakdown slamming the door shut and locking it again.

We all heard Screamy's aggravated sigh from the other side.

Then he started talking again.

I think Knockout needs to run some mental tests on him…

**Yes…the Doctor was right**

It started with a lightsaber.

I don't even watch Star Wars, but I thought the toy lightsabers were cool.

Eventually, Screamy got really annoyed with it.

Making sure Knockout was nowhere near, he grabbed me, transformed, and flew out.

I asked him where we were going.

He said he was hoping I'd get abducted by a different species again.

He said he liked the silence in my absence.

I folded my arms with my lightsaber, confident I wouldn't get caught again.

It was a million-in-one chance.

Starscream dropped me into a wood, and instantly flew away, cackling.

I wondered where in the world I was as I started to explore.

But…

I think Screamy's in league with some of these guys.

Cuz they showed up again.

I ran off with my toy lightsaber, shrieking,

"I HAVE A WEAPON! I HAVE A WEAPON! DON'T KILL ME, I'M INNOCENT!"

I can run really fast when I'm scared.

I managed to keep it up for a while, shouting at the top of my lungs and waving my lightsaber around.

"You're too slow, suckers! Hahahahaha!"

They eventually caught up…

I pulled out a can of pepper spray, realized it was empty, and threw it at them, running as fast as I could.

All the time I was praying that the Doctor's TARDIS would materialize.

Not that it did.

WHY?

WHYYYYYYYYYY?!

"RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!"

All this time I was thinking, Knockout always finds me when I'm having fun, but when I'm being chased around by tall scary aliens?

He's just taking his time now.

Didn't this just SUCK?!

But then it happened.

I heard that sound.

A man wearing a tweed jacket, a bowtie, suspenders, and a suit stepped out of the trees, and spotted me.

I quickly explained my situation, not really realizing who he was.

The man grabbed my arm, and guided me to a blue box.

Then it hit me.

"The TARDIS! You're the Doctor, aren't you?"

The Doctor nodded, and asked how I knew his name.

I was going to explain but decided against that.

I shrugged, and said,

"I have…friends."

"What kind of friends?"

"…Cybertronian friends."

"Ohh! I've heard of them! Too sad their race is deteriorating…"

I explained that I needed to get back to the Nemesis, and chew Screamy out.

The Doctor nodded, and started doing his timey wimey stuff with the TARDIS controls.

Sure, I was excited to see him, but I was MAD at Screamy because I lost my lightsaber.

I LOST MY TOY BLUE LIGHTSABER!

FRAG YOU SCREAMY!

FRAG YOU!

PRIMUS!

I SPENT MONEY ON THAT!

When we arrived back on the Nemesis, the Doctor said goodbye, and left.

I immediately stomped off to find Screamy.

Then I find him in the Medical Bay, being shouted at by Knockout.

The medic spotted me, and asked how I had gotten back on the Nemesis.

I told him the Doctor rescued me from the tall creepy purple guys, and that Screamy made me lose my lightsaber.

Screamy got locked in the brig again.

My insistence.

**Thrustwave is not allowed to steal Doc Knock's Energon Prod**

Thrustwave somehow got her servos on it.

Naturally, she spent the rest of the day chasing Airachnid with it.

I was sitting on her shoulder, yelling,

"BUG ZAPPER!"

Every time she did it.

It got old quickly.

For Airachnid, that is.

A few hours later, when she managed to stand up, Airachnid did a sneak attack, and webbed us both to the ceiling.

Then she grabbed the Energon Prod, and ran off with it.

I don't know what she did, but it included Knockout screaming.

It probably came to an end when Dreading and Lord Megatron became involved.

Me and Thrustwave just talked until someone came and got us down.

It was Knockout, looking extremely irritated.

He got Thrustwave down quickly, but left me up there for a few minutes.

After shouting for him to hurry up, the red Aston Martin rolled his optics and got me down.

Then Knockout and Thrustwave went off together to have some 'alone time'

**Moving the Nemesis's location is not acceptable**

Well, everyone went on a mission.

EVERYONE.

Only a few Vehicons were left behind.

I found I could use this to my advantage.

After going to the Nemesis's main control, I changed our course, and speeded us up.

Megatron wasn't happy to find his ship on the other side of the world when he got back.

He told Knockout that he had to stay behind with Breakdown to keep an optic on me next time.

Knockout wasn't happy.

IN FACT, he just locked me in my quarters with nothing to do.

**Do not rig up the Intercom**

I found I could do some pretty amazing stuff when Megatron and Soundwave weren't around.

But the next time everyone left, I was stuck on the Nemesis with Doc Knock and Breakdown.

So…

It was a little harder than usual.

But I eventually managed to sneak away while they were in the Rec Room with several Vehicons.

I programmed the Intercom to play something whenever someone said 'frag' 'slag' 'glitch' and things like that.

I wanted to see how much cussing there was on the Nemesis.

I made it play Megatron's voice screaming "SHUT UP!" whenever someone cussed.

I tried to sneak out of there, but Knockout found me.

He recognized the look in my eyes, and picked me up.

I refused to tell him what I had done.

But the answer became obvious as everyone returned.

Megatron was in a foul mood.

It didn't improve when his own voice blasted through the Intercom every time he said a swear word.


	14. Chapter 14

Sorry for the wait! My laptop kinda broke, and I had writer's block...so yeah.

Enjoy the chapter! :D

**Soundwave prefers to keep his deployers intact **

Megatron got really tired of having his own ship telling him to shut up.

So Megatron sent Soundwave to shut up the ship.

I think Soundwave enjoyed hearing "SHUT UP!" every time someone cursed.

He took a long time in unrigging the system of my prank.

It seemed to be fixed, but Megatron went and yelled at Starscream.

"GET YOUR AFT OFF OF MY WARSHIP, AND ATTACK THE FRAGGING AUTOBOTS NOW!"

Then the infamous shut up came.

"SHUT UP!"

Megatron immediately went to Soundwave again.

This was the first time he had ever been pissed off with the communications' officer.

Unfortunately, the first thing Megatron saw was Laserbeak.

So he grabbed Soundwave's deployer, and practically crushed it.

Soundwave was not happy.

He immediately took Laserbeak off to the Medical Bay, blatantly ignoring Megatron.

One look and Knockout knew that Soundwave was royally pissed.

He did his best job in repairing Laserbeak.

Soundwave left several hours later.

He found me, and played a recording of my voice.

"Want to help me prank Megatron?"

I nodded excitedly.

Soundwave put an evil smiling emoticon face on his visor.

A while later, Megatron was wrapped in bubble-wrap, covered in glittery pink paint, and webbed to the ceiling.

Airachnid decided to help.

At least that spider-femme can come to use sometimes.

**Marshmallows are hereby banned**

I had a marshmallow gun.

And a bunch of marshmallows.

I decided to put them to use.

After a few thoughts later, I settled on one plan, and left to put it into action.

Of course, I had to have Megatron recharging first.

I hung around his quarters all day, waiting for him to recharge.

He did.

Eventually.

After I was sure he was deep in recharge, I crept in, and climbed onto his berth.

I set to putting all of my marshmallows into his fusion cannon.

In all, I had twenty bags.

After I did that, I scooped up my empty bags, and ran out.

Megatron awoke from recharge not noticing anything.

It was when he tried to shoot Starscream later that he noticed something.

Screamy was being annoying again, and Megatron had had it with the Seeker.

He aimed his fusion cannon, and fired.

Only, charred marshmallows came out.

Megatron immediately blamed it on Starscream.

Dreadwing averted his gaze to the floor, probably so he wouldn't be tempted to laugh.

Breakdown had his servo clamped over his mouth to prevent Megatron from seeing his smile.

Starscream looked rather pleased.

Airachnid was standing way off to the side, smirking.

Knockout facepalmed, immediately realizing it was me by my smug grin.

Then Megatron set to picking up Starscream and repeatedly smashing him into the wall.

He went into deep stasis, and Dreadwing dragged him into the Medical Bay.

I'm not telling Screamy it was me.

I have enough people out for my blood already.

I don't need another one.

**Reasons Hurri doesn't like Decepticons**

I decided to ask him one day.

He took a deep breath, and started explain.

Megatron was, apparently, really, really scary and tried to step on him once.

Dreadwing is too uptight and tries to avoid talking to any human.

Starscream…that one explains itself.

Breakdown was very rough when around humans, even though he tried to be careful.

Knockout was just creepy.

I know what he means when he says Knockout is creepy.

Knockout can be very creepy at times.

End of story.

I asked if Hurri was scared of me.

He refused to say yes or no.

It was probably yes…

**Don't throw things at the Decepticons **

I stayed up all night again.

I was in a bad mood.

All day, wherever I went, I pulled a random thing out of my pocket, and threw it at the nearest Decepticon.

Or, if it was a sticker, I'd peel off the covering, and stick it to whoever was unlucky enough to get in my way.

Megatron got a shock when he came back from his mission.

I tasered his leg.

I don't think it hurt him, but it sure annoyed him.

I spent the last hours of the day running around trying to escape the Lord of Destruction.

**Facebook is prohibited**

I made Thrustwave an account on Facebook.

Little did I know all of the Autobots had Facebook too.

Thrustwave and I found we could have fun with this.

I sent a friend request to Ratchet.

Of course, he probably didn't know who I was because my name was Jenny on Facebook, but he accepted it.

That was probably Miko's doing.

Thrustwave sent a friend request to Bumblebee.

He accepted it.

Thrustwave's name was also not her real one.

Anyway, we started to antagonize them.

I asked Ratchet if he were male or female.

He replied male, probably after searching the Internet to find what a 'male' was.

I then asked him if he had a crush on Arcee.

I didn't get a reply after that.

Thrustwave was crueler than me.

She immediately started telling 'Bee that Megatron couldn't wait to rip out his spark.

She also said that he enjoyed ripping out his voice box.

She didn't get a reply either.

Eventually, Knockout found us having the time of our lives.

He put an end to it.

Apparently, the medic was in a really bad mood because Megatron threw him at Airachnid, and she scratched his finish.

**A…mistake**

Well.

Guess what Knockout did?

He turned me into a Cybertronian.

Yep.

I'm not kidding.

He was building a device.

It was supposed to turn the Autobots human.

It would be easier to offline them.

But apparently, it has the opposite effect on humans.

Knockout accidentally pressed the activate button while I was in the Medical Bay.

The beam hit me.

I woke up as a Decepticon femme.

A little Decepticon.

I couldn't believe how short I STILL was!

Yes, I was taller than my original human form.

But I was still a youngling as a Cybertronian.

So I was still the shortest person on the ship.

Knockout commented that I looked 'innocent'.

My paint was a dark navy blue that lightened to an icy blue when it reached my wings.

Oh, did I mention that I was a Seeker?

I was at least happy with that part.

But I didn't show it.

I ranted at Knockout for a while, and then stomped off to find Starscream.

I was glad to find that I didn't have heels, like Airachnid.

Screamy had the shock of his life when I walked up, and, like I had always wanted to do, hit him in the face.

He managed to splutter out,

"Who the FRAG ARE YOU?!"

I smiled sweetly, and said.

"Spark."

He promptly glitched.

Knockout explained things to Lord Megatron.

Naturally, Megatron was pleased to find that I could actually help in attacking the Autobots now.

Knockout protested against this.

He insisted that I was barely out of sparkhood, and that I would be damaged easily.

The medic won in the end.

But I was happy that I could stay on the Nemesis while everyone was gone, and play pranks.

It was easier now.

But Knockout decided I should have a more fitting name.

I thought about protesting, but decided against it.

I had always wondered why I had such a lame name.

I immediately ruled out 'Kickscream'

It was the first name Knockout suggested.

He said it was because I 'kicked and screamed' whenever I had an appointment.

Thrustwave suggested 'Shootrun'

I declined.

In the end, surprisingly, Starscream's name won.

'Kickwarp'

I kinda liked that.

**Don't play the Scary Maze Game**

I love being scared.

So I played the Scary Maze Game.

Nothing happened when I touched the wall.

Thinking my computer had an error, I turned the sound up so I could hear the instructions.

There weren't any.

Shrugging, I just went to play the game.

It was on the third level, when I touched the wall by accident.

A face popped up, and a woman's scream kept replaying.

I screamed too.

I screamed so loud Knockout came running, and asking what was wrong.

I made him play the game.

Soon, he was screaming too.


	15. Chapter 15

Knockout: *sees the last update date* Whaaaa...you updated last month?!

Spark: Um...Yes...I've been busy...

Knockout: Busy doing what exactly?

Spark: ...Xbox?

Knockout: You don't have an Xbox. *subspaces buzz-saw* Out with it.

Spark: ...ALRIGHT! I'VE BEEN ON YOUTUBE! I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING SOONER! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! PLEEAAASSSEE!

XXXXXXXXX

**Owl City is permanently banned**

All I did was play 'Hello Seattle'.

After the fifteenth time I replayed it, Thrustwave basically ran in the opposite direction before she glitched.

To tell the truth, I was close to glitching too.

But I knew it was annoying everyone, so I didn't stop.

That is, until Knockout made me.

So then I played 'Deer in the Headlights'.

It was even worse than 'Hello Seattle'.

I hung around Starscream until he broke, and went to find Knockout.

Even since Doc Knock turned me into a Cybertronian, nobody's been eager to hurt me.

Maybe it's because I'm not a pitiful fleshy now.

Knockout told me that if I played Owl City one more time, he was going to play 'I'm Sexy and I Know It' nonstop again.

I turned off Owl City immediately.

**X-Files is banned…permanently**

So…

Knockout turned me back human.

I don't know how he did it.

But now I had to adjust to being super, duper short again.

Trying to ease my boredom, I started to look up science fiction TV shows.

One came up.

It was called 'The X-Files'

I started to watch it on Netflix.

Pretty soon, I was obsessed.

I made sure everyone else watched it too…

But I think Knockout got a little annoyed when I found a water-gun, and went around holding close to my chest.

I actually scared Starscream when I jumped out, and screamed:

"I'M AN FBI AGENT! FREEZE!"

He wasn't amused.

No, I had to run for a long time.

You know, since I spend a lot of my time running for my life, I can sprint for a long distance now.

But Screamy caught me…

…eventually.

Knockout banned X-Files when he rescued me from being dropped off the Nemesis.

I squirted him with the water-gun.

**Absolutely no Urban Legends**

I decided to have a little fun.

I emailed every single Decepticon a few of the Urban Legends.

I got in trouble.

BIG TROUBLE.

Knockout, somehow, found out that it was me.

He said that he was going to ban my laptop.

So I said that I could send them to the Autobots.

Surprisingly, he liked this idea.

But he still had to deal with the rest of the Decepticons…

…they were having trouble recharging.

Now I refuse to go near mirrors because of Bloody Mary.

And I'm even more freaked out by clowns now.

**Chain emails are a big NO**

I really made a mistake with this one.

I'd read so many chain emails that I didn't have time to repost them all.

So now I can't sleep.

I'm afraid a ghost is going to slaughter me.

Or something else is…

I really should learn to leave the Decepticons alone.

I sent every single scary chain email I could find.

Megatron didn't care.

I think Soundwave reposted them.

Starscream just stayed in a storage unit, scared to death.

Knockout reposted them immediately.

Breakdown…I think Breakdown glitched.

So did Thrustwave.

Oops.

Dreadwing, as usual, didn't care at all.

It was time to send them to the Autobots.

We didn't see the Autobots for a long time after that…

**PewDiePie is out of the question**

Sooo…

I guess I'm overly obsessed with Youtube.

Everyone on Youtube knows who PewDiePie is.

Who doesn't?

Even Airachnid knows who PewDiePie is.

So, I asked Soundwave to play the video of the scariest game PewDiePie has ever played.

It didn't have much effect…

…At first.

PewDiePie's channel is off limits now.

But it wasn't Knockout's fault this time.

It was Megatron's.

LMFAO


End file.
